It’s truly been a while since I’ve felt this tired.
I feel so tired that while the thoughts of a nap sounded great to me – the fear of oversleeping kept me from sleeping. I knew if I found sleep that I may not be able to escape its grasps when I needed to.
I woke up at my usual 2am hour. Got up, went to the bathroom, got some water and Advil because my back is out and its going to be a while before I can hit up the chiropractor, and then went back to bed.
But then my brain was like “oh, hi! you’re awake. let’s think about things and make you more awake because, well, nothing is going on but sleep and you don’t need sleep – you need to be awake.”
Needless to say, by the time I got pissed at my brain and told it to go back to sleep, I noticed it was 15 minutes before G’s alarm was going to go off. The alarm that was going off, so that I could get G to the airport for his flight.
I got him about half way to the airport when I realized this was a bad idea. I was not awake – I should be back in bed – but it was too late. I was driving.
I came back home to realize that the alarm was going to go off soon to get my high school student up and out the door. I let myself sleep a short amount of time (30 minutes) before I forced myself up. I made my own coffee after she made her own – then I got her out the door.
Just to get the other kid up and ready to leave.
I encountered a detour on the way to her school which added at least 15 minutes to the trip to school. Thankfully I had given us enough time that she was not late but right on time. I got home at 9am and realized I couldn’t go to sleep if I wanted to. Yesterday, FedEx tried to deliver me something that required my signature – so I had to stay awake because it was likely they would be here before 11am.
Good thing I did too because it was my final paycheck now that I’m officially terminated.
I looked at the clock after I got the package and thought “maybe sleep now?”
Then my dad called, and G started texting me with his progress to the rugby tourney.
I gave up.
At 1pm, I thought maybe an hour nap. I laid down, but realized that if I slept, I would likely not wake up – so I got up again. I got more coffee (my 3rd espresso drink of the day – shots number 7 & 8) then headed up to school to pick up Indigo.
I brought her home – made dinner – worked on the upcoming art show – and am now wondering how the fuck I’m still awake.
I had intended to go out tonight. I was going to go the munch and see some people I have not seen in a while. But I’m in a weird space between awake and needing to sleep. It wouldn’t be a good thing.
I just hope tonight I can sleep.
I hope I can sleep all night without anyone or anything waking me up.
I hope I can sleep without my brain deciding to talk to me.
I hope I can sleep.
I need sleep.
Here’s hoping it happens……