Scene – I’m at my desk which is located in our common den area which is on the landing of our second floor. Located on the second floor are three bedrooms and a bathroom. The bedrooms each belong to a child: two belong to me – one does not.

My youngest child has finally changed the kitty litter in the bathroom for her sister’s cat. My oldest found the broom so they could sweep afterwards. This is the exchange that happened in front of my desk.

17yr old kid of mine: Hey, while I take this downstairs, can you sweep the bathroom?

20yr old kid of mine: No. I’ve got class.

17yr old: You are standing on the landing talking to Mom – it doesn’t look like you have class.

20yr old: I said no – I have class.

17yr old: When do you have class – because this will take two minutes….

20yr old: I have stuff to do before class starts.

17yr old: I had class earlier today yet I’m still getting my other stuff done.

20yr old: I-AM-A-COLLEGE-STUDENT.

17yr old: I-DON’T-CARE.

20yr old: Why do you have to be such a bitch?!

17yr old: Why can’t you do something that would take you two minutes or less to do instead of bitching about it.

Me: Why don’t you both shut the fuck up so I can get on my conference call and not have my cohorts listen to you both being dicks to each other!

<sound of two people stomping to their respective rooms>

<door 1 slams>

<door 2 slams>

Me: Fucking Corona.