I am not okay. I put on a good show. I know how to divert attention from what is bugging me to what is going on with others. I am a master.
But, I am also a master at seeing through that shit in others. I am a master at saying “cut the crap” and making them tell me the truth. I always know what is really behind the words.
And that’s what I expect and hope for with others. It’s what I want.
And when I don’t get what I want. I assume it is because I’m not worth it. I am not as important to them as they claim.
I know in my head that it is not true.
Now someone tell that to my heart.
‘Cause it hurts – and I hurt – and it’s not listening right now. It wants proof everything it’s feeling isn’t true – and it has none.
I just don’t want “I’m sorry, but”.
I just don’t want to accept that timing is just wrong – or life is getting in the way.
I just don’t want to accept that I’m strong, so I’ll get through it without anyone.
Because, right now, I really don’t buy it. I’m in my head – and I know I need to get out of it.
I don’t feel I can chase this cloud away by myself.