I know it is Monday only because my alarm woke me up to work from home today, but honestly, I am losing track of how many days I have been stuck at home working.
It started before the shelter-in-place order that my state is under. My kid was sick with a fever and the flu but because of the illness, I had to stay home. Then, as she was feeling better and I was on the fence about going back to work, the boss called me to say I was to continue to stay home for at least 14 days. I think that was 8-9 days ago that we had that conversation. And between that conversation and today is the governor’s order to shelter-in-place – work from home if you are able to – stay home.
I seriously have lost track of time.
While staying home is the right thing to do, I am honestly going stir crazy. I hit a point on Friday and over the weekend where I was just done with it. I was just over not being able to see people and do things. I was fed up with it.
Years ago when I was taking the leadership classes, I found through the personality testing that I was considered an introvert. Going through the characteristics with my oldest, she objected to the conclusion saying I was not an introvert but an extrovert. I would say I can fluctuate between the two depending on a variety of situations. I can find crowds energizing to the point where I’m bouncing off the walls after. And I can find them draining too. The big thing that she said was her reason for disagreeing with the introvert assessment was how I process things – out loud. I have to talk to someone. I have to have an exchange. I can think about it but ultimately I need to talk about it.
What I have realized over the weekend? Yeah, I’m not an introvert. I may have times where I am, but this situation is driving me fucking nutty because I need people. A variety of people that is. And, I think having the weekend without contact with my cohorts and all throughout the day led me to go crazy and get annoyed and seriously want to start lashing out at those around me. I should explain that my cohorts and I have been video chatting with each other multiple times during the day in addition to audio calls. So in many ways it is like we are all together.
Not having that for a few days? Yeah, I was going crazy.
No matter how many times I took the dog for a walk or I went for a walk myself to get a break – I still kept finding myself climbing the walls.
I know I just need to let go of any level of control about the situation – and change my thinking from “I’m stuck home” to “I’m safe at home”. But I have not found that zen moment yet.