• Exhaling –  Yesterday as I drove to my airbnb near the ocean, I could feel the tension in my body relaxing.  It was a gorgeous day, and I was in no rush to get to my destination which allowed me to stop a few times along the way.  What I found is how much tension I am carrying unknowingly in my body as I hit a point where I found I was sore in places I didn’t realize.  Yeah, I needed this.
• Amused – I stopped by one of my favorite places to eat for an early dinner and found myself at the good bar overlooking the ocean.  I sipped my beer and was just in full-on enjoy the view mode when I kept overhearing snippets of conversation.  Like the guys next to me who were going on and on about a couple of different pitchers, their pitching stats, comments about this match up against the other, and all the stats.  I realized finally they weren’t talking about Major League or even college baseball but their 10 year old son’s little league team.  You can love the sports your kids play but wow -that is taking it a bit too far.  I kinda feel sorry for the kids especially if they hit a point where they decide they don’t like baseball anymore.  The guys on the other side of me worked at the place and were eating before and after their respective shifts.  They must have a secret menu because this gigantic concoction of fries, bacon, cheese curds, gravy (I think), and spicy peppers was no where on the menu.  And when I say it was gigantic – it was fucking huge – like 4 people could maybe tackle it huge.  Both guys are 21-25 maybe – and each had one of these gigantic creations.  The first guy ate a good 2/3 of it which made me sick for him.  The other guy? He didn’t even eat a quarter of it.  Of course their cohorts were making comments back and forth at them for it which was amusing.  Then there was the guy who was complaining to the bartender about the price of a dram of 18 year old scotch.  “But the 10 year old isn’t that much?” was his complaint.  Who knew I’d get so much dinner entertainment?
• Introspective – Maybe it is because of the number coupled with the day, but I found myself looking back at my forty-five years around the sun yesterday.  One of the rugby guys wished me a happy thirtieth, and I responded back that I wouldn’t erase the last fifteen years.  I happen to like the last fifteen years.  Sure, some things weren’t great, but I am finding the events had a place in that time.  (A recent discussion about the just-world fallacy, a different blog post, has made me reframe those not-so-great events.)  I like the person I have became in the last fifteen years – the fact that I have come to terms with all of the people I am expected to be and finding a way to be them all in one person rather than wear different masks depending on what is expected.  I know some of that comes with age, but most of it comes from realizing that I will not apologize for who I am coupled with wanting to be a good example for my kids that you should always be who you are. Kind of a rambling point in this post, I know – but this was another reason I am happy to have time to sit with my thoughts.
• Song Stuck in my head these days  – Borderline by Solange – which is a song that is part of a playlist I posted a couple of weeks ago.  Of all that is on that list, this song has like embedded itself in my brain – like total ear worm that won’t leave.  I looked up the lyrics because I caught some here and there but never enough to string them all together.  The subtitle of this song is “An Ode to Self Care”.  No, the irony does not escape me given all that has been happening the last few months.  The song is about deciding to just break off from the world for a while.  In an interview, she said it is deciding not to listen to the news, not to worry about what is happening outside of the walls of home, and just taking care of yourself mentally.   Funny how this is definitely my theme for this time away and alone – just taking care of me for a couple days – just not worrying about the rest – just taking that break.  On some level, I must have understood the lyrics which is why they have embedded themselves into my brain.

Ok, I’m off to make some breakfast, then go take some photos.  My hope to watch the soccer game today is pretty low given the wi-fi where I’m staying is pretty shitty.  We shall see.  Maybe I’ll luck out and find someone is show it as it is on TV today.

Happy Saturday!