Happy Whatever-It-Is-You-Celebrate Day

Today has been a day of family.

Honestly, it has been an odd day for me. It has been a day of missing family and chosen family and just people I feel connections with but who are not here.  That may sound odd, but even G has had an on-going “joke” of sorts of about how those we love should just live in a compound – a commune, if you will – and be with us so we don’t have to be apart.

Lord, do I like that idea.  And oh, do I wish it could work.

Because while I look at live and love what I have- those I am missing are, well, missing.  Like you can feel the joy and happiness are incomplete.   I know it is because I don’t do poly half-assed. I try to make everyone whole while failing more than I want to admit.  But that’s poly – that’s my parents and siblings – that’s my friends – that is everyone I care about.  It is who I am.

So while I sip amazing red wine tonight – it is natural for me to also think about SB – and how much he would be enjoying this if he were here.  I also think about how much he may enjoy our meat-and-potatoes meal.  And the entertainment of blood and guts on the TV.

This year has not been easy.  Today is a continued reminder.

I always hope to keep those I love close.

Still a hope.

I try not to think about the reality.

Love is not easy – hope is not easy – this year has not been easy.

Here is to hopes it may get easier……or something will.


What do you think?

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