Today has been a day of family.
Honestly, it has been an odd day for me. It has been a day of missing family and chosen family and just people I feel connections with but who are not here. That may sound odd, but even G has had an on-going “joke” of sorts of about how those we love should just live in a compound – a commune, if you will – and be with us so we don’t have to be apart.
Lord, do I like that idea. And oh, do I wish it could work.
Because while I look at live and love what I have- those I am missing are, well, missing. Like you can feel the joy and happiness are incomplete. I know it is because I don’t do poly half-assed. I try to make everyone whole while failing more than I want to admit. But that’s poly – that’s my parents and siblings – that’s my friends – that is everyone I care about. It is who I am.
So while I sip amazing red wine tonight – it is natural for me to also think about SB – and how much he would be enjoying this if he were here. I also think about how much he may enjoy our meat-and-potatoes meal. And the entertainment of blood and guts on the TV.
This year has not been easy. Today is a continued reminder.
I always hope to keep those I love close.
Still a hope.
I try not to think about the reality.
Love is not easy – hope is not easy – this year has not been easy.
Here is to hopes it may get easier……or something will.