Stir Crazy

Today I was going stir crazy. The weather sucked. The family was staying in.  And I felt compelled, based on the forecasts I was hearing, to stay inside too.

And I was going stir crazy.

There were many reasons for it.  But really, I felt like I was the one with the plan – the one with the to-do list.  And everyone else in the house was just in relaxation mode.  I wanted to be in that mode too – but, well, I just couldn’t get there.

I did the things on my list – my to-do list. I was happy to get them done – but found myself ready to do more – ready to recharge in a way that being stuck in the house did not allow.  Sigh.

I made soup.

I made bread.

I tried to keep busy in a way that kept my mind off the fact I was going nutty.

Yeah – I failed.


Add into it the fact that last night my brother questioned if I was really trying hard to find a job.  Then my mom did that to me today.  Fuck them both.  I mean, I’m not a newbie in the profession or even middle management.  It is not like I only have a few years experience. I have 20+ years experience.  With that comes a lot of assumptions and baggage.

Sigh again.

Tomorrow will be better.

At least that’s what I keep telling myself.

Tomorrow the weather shouldn’t be such an issue.

I have things done at home which should allow me to go do other things.

And I vow not to call or check-in with my family for at least a week.  I need the fucking break.

I need time to get out of my head.

I need time to stop thinking about how if things were the way they were a year ago, I’d be curled up, sipping scotch, and praying for more rain so I can settle into bed with him.


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