Climax and Tears

We went to see the new Star Wars film in a movie theatre connected by a brew pub.  It’s a neat theater with a balcony and great seats and sounds.  Plus beer and theater delivery of food.  Our joke was that our Christmas dinner was going to be burgers and beers and truthfully, it was.  And it was perfect.

Sitting in the theatre before the movie began, I thought I should have taken some advil before we had left home.  My head was a dull ache then, but was starting to become more.  I worried that the movie was going to make it worse but hoped the beer would help.  I think, sadly, the beer kept it at a dull roar.

I came home after – high from the movies (I loved it) but with a head that was worse – much worse.  I did my sure-fire cure — 4 Advil with some alcohol.  I’ve found for migraine level headaches that the pain reliever combined with alcohol makes my body relax so that the pain reliever can do its job.  I did that and went to bed.

And apparently ground my teeth all night – the point where my jaw hurt, as well as my head, when I woke up.

I did my parenting duty.  I took DJ to taekwondo – a special practice they were holding for the kids like her – the kids about to test for their next level black belt.  I drank coffee – tossed back some more advil – and did the other errands.  After I brought her home, I told G I was going to lay down.  I had slept like shit the night before – I hurt – and I needed sleep.

As I laid in bed, I felt that twinge between my legs that told me I needed release.  I thought maybe an orgasm would help because, well, it can’t hurt, right?

I slid my hand between my thighs, separated my lips, and found my clit to stroke.  I closed my eyes and let things play out in my head – those erotic thoughts that always take me where I want / need to go.

Recently I noticed one of the posts people were finding was this one – “That’s My Good Girl” …. those words with he says them to me and the acts which provoke them, started playing through my mind.

Me bent over his bed…..

Feeling the flogger, the paddle, the cane….

Dancing for him as he strike my ass with them – as he chuckles when he gets an unexpected reaction from them….

Feeling his hands on my ass – my back – in my hair —

And his words….calling me his good girl….

The scene unfolded in my head…..not a made up one – but a real one – one of the many….

And my fingers stroked my clit – and the scene took my higher – took me closer to climax…..

Remembering one particular time when he had me pinned to the bed – fucking me hard from behind – his face close to my ear as he growled “that’s right – take it like a good girl” …..that sent me over the edge as I climaxed.

And as I came – I felt the tears leak out of my eyes and make paths down my cheeks…..

I laid there in the aftermath of the orgasm and cried silently….

I miss him..

I miss him more than I can explain.

I miss him because, without him, I feel like I’m incomplete.  I feel like I’m searching for that other piece of me that I am when I’m with him.

The orgasm has clearly broke the dam that had I had built – that I had unknowingly built around my feelings.  I had tried to just be in the present.  Tried to enjoy my parents and youngest brother being in town for Christmas.  Tried to enjoy the gifts and the laughs and all – but in the background, I could feel someone was missing – something was missing.  Tried as I might, I couldn’t contain it.  And today, the dam burst, and I laid there, legs spread, hand on clit, cumming and crying.

I didn’t expect that.

The more that I’m with SB – the more I feel he is just part of my family….part of my life – in a way that is greater than anyone else has been.  I guess today was a reminder of that…..a reminder that suppression doesn’t make the feelings go away –  just bust loose a the weirdest times….

….as I come to our memory — our time together.


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