Today, I have a bad, BAD case of the fuck-its.  Just want to say fuck-it to all – and go back to bed.  Maybe then I will sleep.  Yeah, probably not, but it’s a nice thought. What doesn’t help this condition is looking at my pile o’ work today and knowing who I have to work with……a woman who is instead of intelligence relies on what, I think, she considers stellar interpersonal skills.  The reality, her style is so full of honey and sickening sweet gestures that are so disingenuous that all I want to do is throw something at her.  She relies on this approach as a way to cover the fact she doesn’t know what is really going on with the project.  Oh, and in my case – she tries to use it “manage me”.  She is my peer, not manager – but she does not want to share control – so she uses this personality style to control things but spins it as “I’m helping”.

Yesterday, as she’s talking to me sweetly, like I’m some idiot child – I finally cut her off at the knees in a meeting with my IT peers.  After she stopped the discussion 3 times to explain to me what they were talking about, I just cut her off “I know what they are talking about” – then looked at those talking and asked them to continue.  Their smirks told me they were happy I did it.

Here is my problem:

I am a horrible poker player because what I’m thinking,  especially if I think someone is being a fucking idiot – well, it comes thru on my face.  So I know part of their smirks was related to the fact that my feeling of “are you fucking kidding me, you dumbass twat?!?” came through on face.

After the third meeting with her, I was ready to kill her.  Maybe Orange isn’t a bad color.  Maybe led from work in handcuffs wouldn’t be such a bad thing.  Maybe a lawyer could convince a jury that this killing was a mercy killing – or at least an act of eliminating the bad from the gene pool.  I was thankful when the artist for the upcoming show wanted to drop off her art at my house at 4pm.  Oh, darn – I must leave work.  Yeah, I ran from work.

They promise they are getting rid of her.  No one likes working with her for exactly these reasons.  Everyone thinks she’s incompetent.  And as is status quo in my professional life – I get the mess.  Thankfully this is less of a mess than most areas – but a mess it is in terms of actually knowing where things are at with the project.  Only saving grace is an over involved business owner who is making sure it is where it should be.

SO I’m trying to focus on what I can do to get shit together.  The reason I was added is because the technology pieces are the black-hole of the project.  Things go in, and no one is sure what is happening until someone says “done”.  Fuck, that makes me nervous.  So, I’m am focusing on working with the non-idiots – and building that out so when and if she either is killed by someone on the team or fired, we know where we are.  Sometimes that’s all you can do.

Or…

I could live with that.

Until then, fuck-it-all will be my mantra for the day – to keep my sanity.