Through the Looking Glass

“He’s dreaming now,’ said Tweedledee: ‘and what do you think he’s dreaming about?’
Alice said ‘Nobody can guess that.’
‘Why, about YOU!’ Tweedledee exclaimed, clapping his hands triumphantly. ‘And if he left off dreaming about you, where do you suppose you’d be?’
‘Where I am now, of course,’ said Alice.
‘Not you!’ Tweedledee retorted contemptuously. ‘You’d be nowhere. Why, you’re only a sort of thing in his dream!’
‘If that there King was to wake,’ added Tweedledum, ‘you’d go out—bang!—just like a candle!”
~Lewis Carroll

I had heard about this event for years – even before SB and I entered into each other’s lives.  It was an edgy event-  an elegant affair – a big deal for that community – the Vampire Ball.  I had seen photographs.  I had heard stories. I had seen videos of the midnight waltz where the solo violinist played an amazingly perfect waltz as everyone danced.  I had expectations of elegance and class.

I fretted about what to wear knowing what he has worn in the past and wanting to be dressed right. I’ll be honest.  I knew there were standards – so I wanted to make sure I met them.

We showed up early to make sure we got inside early to get a table with his community.  And we achieved it.  It was definitely a wonderfully transformed ballroom.  Gorgeous.  The people watching was definitely interesting.  But as the night went on and people came through, it was clear that the standards of the event had fallen.   After hearing for years how people would show up in jeans only to be denied access, seeing people in jeans was disappointing.

While it was definitely a time through the looking glass and into a surreal world, it was sad to see this event that SB had spoken about with some much love of the event – with meaning for him – had slipped from one thing and into another.  It was clearly no longer the vampire ball anymore.

Even the midnight waltz, played by a cellist that was amazing – was drowned out by a whole group of people who were talking and laughing and taking photos of themselves instead of joining in the traditional waltz.  In fact, few people were dancing as more were disinterested than interested in it.

It was like the dream world of past had vanished with the realization of how much change hand happened.

SB was definitely disappointed in it.  And I could understand why.

We definitely made the best of it.  We sipped amazing absinthe.  We talked – we laughed – we wrapped our arms around each other and savored each other.  We went back to the hotel, changed, and sat at the bar drinking and laughing and loving before we stumbled back and fell into bed together, wrapped in each other’s arms and limbs.

We still made it an adventure.

I love that we are able to do that with each other.  I love that we are able to be in that space – bring our own little energy bubble around us – and still enjoy each other.

“I’ve been watching you both all evening – and I’m so jealous – you are so cute together” was what a woman said in my ear as she walked by us.

Yeah – we made it a good night.

I love that man.



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