Today is a day where I’m feeling too much. The numb has worn off – and I am just in my own head and my feelings are boiling over.
I dreamed about him last night – two different dreams. Two different times during the night where I vividly recall being with him – kissing him – touching him – hugging him. I kept waking up throughout the night. In the end, it was another night of very little sleep. I’m starting to just embrace insomnia.
I don’t think it helped that yesterday, each and every time I turned around, something smacked me in the face with a memory of him. I went to the store, for example, and noticed they had changed out the wine featured. I went to look expecting their usual pinot noir only to find it was a malbec – his favorite. Or when I was driving home, I went by the place I had planned on taking him for his birthday dinner – then got stuck in traffic there for too long. It seemed to go on and on and on.
I guess it’s no wonder I dreamed about him.
I just want this to pass – I really do. But today, not matter what I do – how I do it – it seems to smack me in the head.
I’m missing him.
I’m feeling broken.
I just want a mute button for my emotions and my feelings.