Oh Lord, has it been one of the days. Fuck, it’s been one of those weeks.
It’s funny to think that a year ago, I was working from 7:30am to 2:30am. I did that once a week for 5 weeks as we were trying to take the software live.
This week, it is a bunch of people fucking up. A bunch of people not doing their job but giving me a line of bullshit. While others were questioning every move I make. Fuck.
Then I come home, and on the way, make a comment that comes across wrong. Fuck. Wrong message – wrong tone. Too much risk.
It’s funny how I can self-sabotage when I need people the most.
It sucks when I need people the most and don’t know how to communicate it or ask for it or deal with it. I’m supposed to be strong. I’m supposed to be self sufficient. I’m supposed to be fine.
And when I’m not – I’m not.
So I try to self-sooth. I try to find my own outlet. I try.
But sometimes the usual things do not work.
Tonight is one of those nights. A need for hugs and cuddle and kisses. A night to be a baby girl and not the strong project manager. But I deal. I crawl into bed with a movie, a glass of wine, and my teddy bear and try to find peace.
It’s funny how alone I can feel.
I can only hope for finding peace and sleep and renewal.