I am trying to read 50 Shades of Grey. When it first was out, G got me an electronic copy of it. I was in the middle of other books, so it sat undownloaded to my Kindle app. And then it gained popularity to a point where I could not ignore it.
So I downloaded it – and started reading it.
Or trying to read it.
I am kinky. I’ve been kinky for a long time – and knew I was kinky much longer than I was able to articulate it.
This book is driving me nutty. Let me give you a few reasons why:
1. She is a virgin, gets deflowered, then immediately jumps into kink. While yes, this could happen, I have a difficult time seeing someone without one kinky fantasy doing that. Call me a skeptic.
2. He has no idea of her sexual history – yet plops down a contract as a way of saying “I want to have sex and beat you.” While communication in any form is good, if you can’t talk about it, you shouldn’t be doing it – in my opinion.
3. He has been into kink since he was 15 when the friend of his mom makes him her slave. Uhm….that’s called sexual abuse – not kink.
4. He isolates her. She has to sign a non-disclosure whereby she is legally obligated to not share the details of their sex life or of kink with anyone. When she says she needs someone to talk with, he offers her his former abuser, I mean Mistress’s, slaves. Isolation in kink spell unhealthy which screams BAD.
5. She wants a relationship. He wants a fuck toy. Of course this can work – what could go wrong? I’m sorry – but this sort of mismatch in a kink situation would result in either no play or high drama. In this case, he breaks rules for her. Yep, seems to be on the drama path to me.
6. He doesn’t believe she has a submissive bone in her body – yet is going to make her into his submissive. She doesn’t believe she does either – yet she’ll give it a 3 month go to see if she can do it. I know some people who are switches. Some people who are tops who’d like to try to bottom. But they usually come from a standpoint of kink – of knowing what that means. It would be one thing for her to say yes to exploration – but is another to jump headlong into a situation she knows nothing about.
7. If her inner goddess dances or sings one more time as an expression of her feeling horny or turned on at the thought of an act or the act itself, I am going to scream. Or maybe I should make it into a drinking game. Hmm….maybe I’m looking at this bad metaphor incorrectly.
8. The material good aspect. He gives her clothes, a car, a trainer, a place to live…..all aspects are controlled. While a submissive or slave relationship may have these elements, it is scary for a new relationship.
I’ll stop here because I haven’t finished the book. SO, if you read it, aren’t in to a kink community, what should you know:
1. Consent is key as is communication. They go hand in hand. If the person interested ins’t articulating it from the get go – run. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Run away. This is not normal. This is not good. This is predatory behavior – and not the good kind.
2. If you don’t know kink, don’t feel pressured into it. If you wonder what it is about, join Fetlife and find local event to teach you about it. One person should NEVER be your source of knowledge. Your local community is full of knowledge. Find it and learn. Find out what you like. Find out what you don’t like. Never make someone make you feel like their way of kink is the only way – no matter how hot they are.
3. Isolation is a warning sign. RED. Stop. Do not go further with this person. Danger is not good.
4. Know yourself. I find a lot of kinky youngsters in the scene. And while some of them are self aware, many are not. GO learn about yourself. Go figure yourself out. Go have sex. Go figure out how to navigate that world – then find your kink. Self aware is sexy. Not knowing is dangerous. Make sure you know you.
5. Communicate. If you don’t know, say you don’t know. Draw boundaries. Don’t be afraid. Submissives and bottoms have the control. Learn that and don’t forget it. We set the boundaries and the pace. That is something the book does a bad job of showing. Kinky bottoms and subs know that – and exercise it. Communicate it. Don’t be afraid. And if you are afraid, use it at the sign to back away.
So those are my thoughts so far.
We’ll see if I can actually finish the book.
If I can, I hope my inner literary goddess does not try to kill me in my sleep.
10 Comments Add yours
I’m so glad I decided not to read this book. Just about every review I have read leads me to believe the book would drive me completely batty and piss me off. I want to enjoy what I’m reading, not think about all the ways it’s completely wrong and ridiculous.
It is amazing how popular this book really is. I have many friends that think this is the greatest book ever, but when I look at those friends everyone seems to be similar.
Bored housewives that have no other passion in their life and are looking for a way to live out their fantasies in book form.
Unfortunately they do not realize there are a lot of good writers that write about sex. Far better writers then this particular one. I read the first one and decided to stop there.
I do not plan to read it. Still what I am hearing is that the story gets better in books two and or three.
I might feel the same way about this book as I do about the Twilight series that I also did not read. Passive weak characters that prey on or blindly submit to others are just not the kind of characters (people) I identify with.
Still people do a lot of things that are…not things I would. Then there are things they think are wild and crazy that I think are reasonable and do seemingly without thinking.
I am not a dependent sub kinda girl. Still when I was introduced to as you call it kink I just went with it to a degree because I did know myself and I did feel safe.
There was no isolation but it would have looked weird to outsiders trying to figure out where this was all coming from and where it was heading.
I read this book. I didn’t know all the red flags it stood for, from a submissive standpoint. I just had a problem with the idea that some sort of trauma created the desire in him. I thought that sent the wrong message. You have made this a good lesson for any potential sub. Thanks for being so thorough.
I KNOW there are a MILLION things wrong with this book but somehow, somewhere it is striking a chord with MILLIONS of people around the world.
Maybe it’s like a zoo -not the ideal place to keep animals, but great if you just wanna peer briefly and superficially into their world.
For your amusement… I missed all the hype (don’t ask me how) and thought for ages that 50 Shades was a Twilight-type vampire story 😀 (I’m not completely off my rocker, as it does have links to Twilight!). Once I found out what it was actually about, I thought ‘I must read that!’, having been in a sub/dom relationship for several years a while back, but the reviews and criticism of the writing style (yea the whole ‘all-singing-all-dancing-inner-goddess!) has convinced me to steer clear.
I think the appeal has to be curiosity based.
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You have literally posted what is in my head when it comes to my feelings about this book. I say ‘this book’ because, like you, I am unable to get through the first, much less the others that follow.
I’m afraid that 50 Shades is opening a window or a door for the mainstream into the kink world. Unfortunately, it’s one that’s very warped from what the real one is. Think the Beetlejuice kinda warped.
It’s scary to imagine the field day that certain kinds of people are going to have when the new and naive come rushing in, looking for their very own Grey.
I read the book to figure out why it was so popular. It drove me crazy.
I’ve always had kink in my fantasies – before I ever had sex. It bothered me how quickly and magically she became a sexual being from being a 21 year old virgin who never masturbated or even considered sexual fantasy.
The idealization of this type of relationship frightens me. What I’ve noticed among my friends is that those who have a bad relationship and/or bad sex love the book, while those who are more in tune with their desires and who they are tend to recognize the points you made. It’s not a story of a positive relationship.
@Mylifepartdos2 http://t.co/DkdhODLXK8 – Here ya go!