I’ve been thinking in circles these days. Not circles as in a logical puzzle where I’m making circular arguments in my head – but in terms of circles.
I started talking to a life coach recently who is helping me get my life back in balance – and she introduced this idea to me recently.
Concentric circles to be quite accurate.
“Where are people in your life, ” she asked, “which circle do they fit in if the middle most one being the people you are closest to – who you are the most emotionally intimate with.”
And fitting people in them.
She went on to explain how you need to think about the people in different circles. What is the criteria of the people in the different circles? How do we put the right people in the right circle so that….and this is the key…..they don’t suck the life out of me. So that the relationship is equitable – balanced – and not unhealthy.
This exercise has been revealing. I have found that men are generally easy to fit into a circle. Why? Because they don’t rush into things. They keep people in the right circles themselves – they set boundaries and stick to them. I don’t always find that with women. It is an odd realization, but one that isn’t too surprising given I am more used to dealing with men in my life than women. I think between having my brothers and male friends and male dominated career has led me to perfect it.
It’s been harder throughout my life with women. Go figure.
So, as I go through each day, I think in circles. I try to sort things out with the people in my life. Trying to find balance. Trying to get my needs met while at the same time meeting the needs of others. Trying to find an even keel again.
I can only hope it will be easier.
I can only hope I find balance.
I can only hope this circular thinking plays out.
What I do know so far is that I am realizing who my true “intimates” are. I am starting to realize why they are. And I’m starting to realize why things are hard. For the first time in my life – in a long time – I have had people in that center circle.
And for that, I am thankful.
Now to sort the rest of it out.