Friend: What’s going on? You’ve been sick but I’m wondering now if its manifesting from something else…hmmmm?

Me: Sick of competing.  Sick of not having a problem with others getting the support they need, but not getting the same support when I need it.  Sick of being old to be squeaky to get what I need instead of getting it because people see I need it.  Just want to feel like I’m worthy of it again instead of having to ask if I’m worth it.  And noticing a true pattern.  Those guys I get close to and who I let in never deem me worthy of keeping. It’s like I’m destined to have superficial relationships.  Cause: I’m sick and alone. A stark contrast of what others have gotten when in the same situation.

Friend: The pattern is there You’re not imagining it.  But don’t change you. Your strength is intoxicating and scary to them.  Plus, boys are idiots.  I think that has been proven.

Me: We have. Just feel like I did when I was 17.  Wondering why I’m every boys fucking friend.

Friend: Because you and I are not normal girls.  We actually are who we say we are. We never learned to play the games, nor were we interested in learning them.

Me: Very true.  Why can’t the guys appreciate that instead of putting us behind the game players?

Friend: It’s attractive to them to have girls beg for them. We don’t be well.

Me: No because we know we are worth it. We are chased and not chasing.

Friend: There are special ones out there.  You have had it. I have had it.

Me: But I can’t help but believe that I had it because he didn’t know me – he knew the kinks and that was it.

Friend: I think he was just that kind of man.

Me: Maybe.  May have been the relationship too.  He liked taking care of me.  Very Daddy in that sense. Like I said, I miss that time.  No BS, just knew how to make a girl feel special.

Friend: You are special.

Me: Thank you! I guess I need to hear and feel that at times.

Friend: Yeah, but you need it from THEM …. dummies.

What do you think?

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