I had every intention of writing today about my night last night – a night I had needed for a while. A night I had wondered if it would happen. A night that was what I truly needed. But I think I mentioned that. A night that left me feeling happy and satiated and feeling like I had finally had a win.
Funny how a smile can turn upside down so quickly.
Funny how that floaty feeling can result in just the opposite.
The road to hell is paved with the best intentions. I just wish that, on occasion, the best intention wouldn’t pave over my smile. Wouldn’t make me frustrated. Wouldn’t make me feel like my feelings are unimportant.
I guess this is just simply life. With every up there is a down. It’s the whiplash that I can’t handle. That feeling like my good feeling is over and life can go on as thought it never happened. When having it happen actually gave me something I had needed – hope.
Not being allowed to linger. Not being allowed to actually settle into that nice fuzzy feeling sucks. It’s just like sitting in that sunbeam you have been wanting while the storm has been going on – only to have that storm roll in just as you sit down and start to exhale.
I want my sunbeam. damnit!
I want my smile.
I want to be allowed a moment of happy.
I want that feeling of hope that things are going to be better.
Is that too much to ask?