Glimpses into my work week – or entertainment thanks to my consultants….and others….through conversation. Enjoy….
“How many times has his wife called today?” one of my consultants asked another.
“I think about 10 times.”
“It’s only noon?!” replied the consultant.
“You know, you guys that I’m sitting right here, right??”
“I guess I should call my wife back – since she was hit by a car, you know?” commented one of my consultants.
“WHAT?” was my response. I mean, he flies from the east coast every week – he’s a hell of a long ways from home.
He laughs, “Yeah, she was hit by a car earlier. I guess you missed that phone call.”
“Is she okay?”
“Yeah, it was her fault. I mean, if she has been home to sign for that UPS delivery, she never would have had to go to UPS in the first place.”
“Have you ever heard of a hall pass?” asked consultant #1.
Consultants 2 and 3 both said no as did I.
“It’s when a wife gives her husband a free pass to do whatever he wants, with whomever he wants, with no consequences,” then he pauses, “I asked my wife for one but she said no.”
“But I travel so much. Think about how nice it would be to have one while on the road. Granted, picking up a woman at Denny’s would be hard, but I’m willing to take a shot. Plus, maybe I should explain to her that 4 out of 10 people think marriage is obsolete.”
Meanwhile I keep reminding myself not to say he’s asking for an open marriage.
Consultant #2 commented, “Why don’t you tell her she would also get a hall pass?”
“She can have a hall pass – but I don’t know what she would do with the kids.”
“Careful, there big guy, she may make the same requirement to you.” was my comment.
“So the installation of the software is no biggie. It takes maybe 20 minutes to install the software on the server…..” drones on the software guy on the phone.
I feel my phone vibrate with a message and see:
“Did you see my status on FB?”
I responded “I hadn’t”
“You should read it – I think it’ll make you smile.”
“…..so it’ll be ready to go by Jan 2nd if all goes well. It’s easy,” says the software guy…
….as I’m checking FB.
He was right, it did make me smile.
“did you get the pic I sent you?” I type.
“No, I didn’t.”
So I resend the picture I thought I had sent him….naked picture ….while sitting in a conference room surrounded by my boss, an exec and two other business people.
“So your project plan says this is a 3 week gig, yet you just said it’ll take you about 3hrs. Explain to me why the difference?” I ask the software guy as I hit send.
“Well, you guys are unique. I’ve been doing this for a long time – almost 3years – and …..”
“I got it! Nice ass!!! I haven’t fucked an ass in SUCH a long time…”
“I haven’t had mine fucked in a long time myself.”
“C’mon….Not even B?”
“….and that’s why we’re going to have to handle your installation differently. But it’ll still be easy….I think. Not to sound like a sales guy…..”
I hit the mute button and say (along with two others in the room) “Too late!”
“Sorry to interrupt you, but when can we get that meeting scheduled?” I asked after unmuting him.
“Not in a while. Plus, what about you? I believe you said you fucked R’s ass recently.” I type.
“It seems like a long time ago”
“well, you know where I live ;)”
“Ok, so we’ll schedule that next week with you after I get these guys into that training class. Send me the info. And I’ll talk to you next week, ” I told the software guy.
“Yeah and we want your best people” comments the CFO before I hung up.
“Thanks, sexy, you made this meeting a lot more interesting chatting with you.”
Oh, and TL, because I know you are lurking, thank you! I needed that conversation with you last night. I should have realized sooner that you would totally get where I was coming from as well as what I was feeling. You give good counsel. You can add that to your list of party tricks. I love you, my friend.
“A friend knows the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails.”