“Right is not always easy, and easy is not always right.”
I did the right thing yesterday. When SG send me a message suggesting we play, I checked to make sure he and his wife had talked about the herpes thing to make sure they were on the same page – and it was on his page.
It was a good talk. I wish I could have answered more questions for him – I wish I could give him the certainty he desired. The certainty that the suppression drugs, condoms and diligence on our part would not put him at anymore risk. Hell, this is the reassurance that G and I have been looking for ourselves.
Am I glad I did it?
Yes. It was the right thing to do. The right thing to ask those hard questions – make sure there wasn’t going to be any drama down the line if something did happen. Make sure he is thinking with his head and not his cock. Make sure they understand the risks – the risks they both assume if we continue forward. Even if their understanding meant no more kinky fun for Emmy.
He said, for him, he feels safer having sex with me than if he was having sex with someone who may not be as diligent. I chuckled at that irony, but he explained that I know what I don’t have. I am acutely aware of the risks. I am more diligent than anyone he could meet in terms of looking for signs, getting retested, and just literally keeping my own health (and thus his) in check. With others, he has to take their word for it. With me, he knows I am. So, he feels the risk is less or , at worst, the same as it was before. No added risk because of G’s status.
I do like his perspective, however, he and his wife had yet to discuss it. I know how careful she is. I know how cautious she is in terms of even being a big pile in a bed with multiple partners – how careful she is in terms of sharing and such. So, I’ll be honest, I spent the rest of the afternoon preparing to learn the worst.
As I told a friend after I had this talk, it left me wishing I had a magic wand that could make this all go away. While it is the right thing, it was far from the easy thing – risking giving up what I really REALLY wanted. Knowing I was in essence saying, “reconsider having sex with me.” And for SG, it was “reconsider using me as your sex toy and fucking me hard and long and tying me up.”
He sent me the dreaded text. “Call me when you have second, we need to talk.”
I called, bracing myself for the worst. Yes, I’m one of those people who believes if I don’t expect a positive result, I’ll be less disappointed when it doesn’t happen. Glass half-empty, anyone?
The call – well, it went differently than I anticipated. He explained their talk. He explained the outcome. They were seriously more concerned that G would be upset that she wasn’t ready to play yet. (G isn’t ready to have sex with someone else yet – he’s the first one to admit it.) It was funny how once I had said that, I heard SG exhale a bit. He was worried that he would be rejected by me. That thought made me smile as I guess I’m not the only one fearing the end of the fun he and I have.
So, we have a tentative date – Friday. I don’t know who celebrated more – me or G. To quote him “you need a good rogering.” Yes, yes I do – a good rogering among other things. Here’s hoping that it happens.