Support from Unexpected Places

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Last week while I did my one run before the marathon, I reflect on a couple of frustrating conversations I had recently had with people who are supposedly “close to me”. Both wanted to know what I was doing this weekend – July 4th specifically – and why was a not coming to do something with them.

I was frustrated for obvious reasons. I had been training for the half marathon on July 4th since mid-January. I had been open about the fact I was training for it. I had shared frustrations and successes along the way with these people “close to me”.  And not one remembered.  I kept reminding myself that maybe it slipped their minds. Trying to find solace in the fact their world does not revolve around me – so they forgot. But it was the response I got from them that told me that wasn’t true.  Their response gave me the impression that I should skip it – and do what they wanted me to do instead.

I finally decided that it was because I don’t need that level of support like others do.  That maybe that is why they chose to ignore this event. They knew I was going to do it. They knew I was going to do it because I decided to do it.  That I have the strength others do not, therefore, I did not need what others would need in my situation.

I was at peace with that.  I really was…..
….until after I ran the race.

If you read my breakdown of the race, you will know it was a domino effect that led me to have a pretty shitty race.  It was probably one of the toughest things mentally I have done in a while.  And I’ll be honest in saying that when I crossed that finish line, I wanted to sit down away from everyone and cry.  I was tired. I physically hurt. I was insanely angry at myself. And I hated that my body had failed me.  In short, I was just plain ole disappointed.  All of that work – a solid 6 months of it, for this shitty let down.  Not a good feeling to have. 

I have received more support from this race from my blogger friends than I have from anyone else (outside of my husband).  Of my eight millions family members (ok – 50+ on Facebook) – I received one comment from an aunt who showed support and understanding.  My siblings are absent. My parents – nothing.  My friends – absent.  The people who should know how much this meant to me had no interest. While those who one would expect to have a passing interest had the greatest interest. 

Like I told my husband, it kinda adds insult to injury realizing this little fact.

What’s funny to reflect upon is that my family, for example, will get pissy if I don’t acknowledge their lives and important moments. They’ll call me on the carpet for not caring enough. And when I point this shit out, nothing……
….but crickets…..
……..and dumb looks that tell me they don’t get it.

I’ve often spoken about how actions speak louder than words. That what you do always overrides what you say. Tell me you care about me all you want. Show me you don’t, and I’m more apt to believe that more than the words.

I just wish people would start figuring that the fuck out.
And I guess, for once, I wish they would surprise me.
Until then, I just need to start accepting the fact that most people “in my real life” are simply the voyeurs in my life.
Quite ironic given the fact most would consider the blog readers the voyeurs – not the ones more involved.

7 Comments Add yours

  1. I’m sorry your family is oblivious. But someone once said that “Friends are God’s way of apologizing for your family members”.

    Hope you feel better soon.

  2. Beryl says:

    This is a lesson I have been learning more often than not since I started blogging again.

    live, love, breathe, mama.

    Beryl

  3. Beryl says:

    PS. You did work hard for six months. People who run, are often hungry for self knowledge. Running…well any discipline gives us great lessons. Maybe what is upsetting is your expectation of the lesson. I think there was still a great payoff for the lesson in terms of what you can endure or what your body wants of you. Perhaps even, the lesson has not been born, yet and your experience is just helping to provide a time for when the lesson does come?

    The thing is the time lately has seemed strange for a lot of bloggers I have noticed. (Including me.) Things just seem to be a little wonky or on a precipice of some kind…not negative…just in flux. Dunno…but this is too long already. I’ll stop now. 😉

    Beryl

  4. Vixen says:

    Your feelings of disappointment in your friends is very understandable. I’m sorry you felt so let down.

    *hugs*

  5. It is time to trade in your model. I got a model to offer as a swap. The girls are sweet and the family is close-knit. 😉

  6. Hubman says:

    Big time bummer that you were let down by many of your IRL friends, but I’m glad you had some ‘virtual’ friends to lend their support.

    Look at my Facebook page sometime- chances are pretty damn good that a comment to status update is from a blogger friend, rarely family or non-blogger friends. You’re not the only one…

  7. Just me... says:

    Honestly, I find that most people are too busy trying to figure out their own scene without concerning themselves with mine..
    But there are a very few and precious people who will be supportive and will remember the things that are important to me..
    Sadly, they usually aren’t family members… Like it’s said.. You can pick your friends but you can’t pick your family!! :):)
    Anyway, I’m just glad we have those few precious friends!! :):)

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