He is upset at my lack of enthusiasm. In fact, I think no good can come from this one. I gave him an example of where no good can come from that kind of honesty.
My dad years ago had a heart attack. I was living out here. Indigo was a baby when I got that call in the middle of the night letting me know they were life flighting him to a larger hospital. The next 48hrs were the longest of my life. Even if I had wanted to do it, I could not have gotten there in a timely manner. The Midwest was snowed, then iced in – I would have gotten there by the time he was sent home. My dad and mom both said not to worry. They said to stay where I was. So, I called – a lot. After he got home, I called a lot. When he was struggling with depression, I chatted with him online from work – and I talked to him on my drive home. I was there during the next year as much as I could living where I did. He struggled with this for almost two years, I might add.
While we were visiting them a few weeks ago, my dad was venting about my brothers. And then, he explains why he is truly upset. I mean, these were the kids who were there for him while he was at his worst – they helped him get through it. My facial expression must have given my reaction away. So, he quickly says “but I mean, it’s not that I’m blaming you for living out here, it’s just…” I have no idea what he said after that. As he had already said enough.
I explained this to my brother. I mean, hearing this did do something – he’s right – I now understand why there are times where I feel like I am not truly part of the family anymore. Why there is a me and them. Because there is. I’m not part of that. So, I tell this to my brother. He is at a loss of words. I said “yeah, you’re right – it did clear the air. He feels better, and I get to understand why I’m on the outside. And now why my kids are on the outside. Great. Thanks. That REALLY helped.”
He didn’t say much in response to this story. I finally told him if he needs that with my parents – then go for it. I will not be a part of it. Hearing it will not do anything but piss me off and likely result in me severing my ties with them all. Too pessimistic? No, I don’t think it is given the preview I got. Like I told him, our life growing up – good and bad – has made me into who I am. All I can do now is make sure I don’t fuck my own kids up. My parents no longer parent me. They have changed as have I. I don’t feel they need to be punished. They made mistakes. They did some things right. If he needs that discussion with our parents – he should have it. He is entitled to having it if he needs it. I do not want it or need it, so will never be part of it.
So what do you think? Too harsh of me? The right approach?