Over the past several months, our lives have had a few more characters added into it as a result of our venturing into “The Lifestyle”. So, it is time to “come out”, as it were. We are swingers. There. I said it.
I told the story a week or so ago about our almost foursome in college. Our fantasies and such go that far back in our relationship….that would be 15-16 years back for anyone counting. But, about six months ago, we decided to “take the talk out of the bedroom”, as Garbanzo so elegantly put it.
We had a lot of discussions about taking this step….a LOT of discussions. This was a huge deal. We could be putting our relationship on the line if we weren’t truly ready to do it, and if we both were not on the same page. Or if our communication was not at its all time best.
Our conversations were around everything but mainly understanding and agreeing upon boundaries in terms of us as a couple. I mean, it is one thing to know your own personal kinks and boundaries, but the couple as a single entity needs to define the same things. What is the couple willing to do. What we would or would not do in bed with another person or couple? Defining what it meant for us to be “in the lifestyle”. All are very important things to get out onto the table and keep on the table for future discussions. As you have experience and learn things, you may need to refine some of them and completely change others. This conversation was just the beginning of things – there still is not an end in sight. I mean, a lot of it has to do with how we are feeling about things at the time – what we want.
During these conversations, we created our rules –
1. We never play on the first date….except for that one time…..which was really fun….and, well, went so well that Sasha is now a regular. (See A Goodnight Kiss.)
2. Never take one for the team. Never. Ever. Not a rule to be broken in our opinion.
3. Safe Sex is the only sex we have. (And we are not averse to adding additional precautions as necessary.)
4. Trust the gut. Even something that may seem relatively minor when you intellectualize it should not be ignored. I’ll explain more on that one later with a story.
5. We play together, or we don’t play at all.
We consider ourselves lucky to be honest. We have found several people we have clicked with and who we see regularly. Kids and inconsistent babysitters have caused this to be a challenge at times, but we are overcoming it.
These new characters that have been brought into our lives as a result of the decision has been interesting and good. They may…okay…will be trickling into stories here and there. Some of the things that have happened have been hot – other things, not so hot.
There could be the lesson of Rick and Carrie. Might be some stories about Sasha (and maybe a picture or two). And, I know there will be a story upcoming about X. And, there will be some experiences that have no real story or no real players shared. In those cases it is because we have either agreed not to share or we do not have consent to share.
So, why do I tell you all of this? I suspect that I’ll be talking about one of those characters next week. Let’s just say the trip in a week with my husband will likely have a story of two coming out of it. I mean, Derek did get us a gift certificate to Babeland for our anniversary and trip. Oh, yeah, and I mentioned X, right?