Well, in that way too..
But, he sucks because he totally knows how to play me (not to be confused with ‘play with me’ which he’s good at too – but is not applicable for this post).
He knows that I, Emmy, his wife & love is stubborn. You want me not to do something – tell me to do it – get pushy about it – keep bringing it up over and over again. My natural instincts at a certain point – tell you to fuck off, dig in my heels, and do the opposite of what you want.
If you believe in astrological stuff, you’d learn I was born in May and go “ahh, a Taurus”. But, I was also born the year of the Ox, if you follow Chinese zodiac. I almost feel badly for people who have to deal with me some days.
So, why does my husband suck? He really REALLY wants me to go with him to LA in October. He has a training in LA. He doesn’t want to go alone…because it’s LA. When we were talking about today, he commented in total passing that if I wanted to mark the occasional, I’d book a ticket somewhere. He planted that little seed. And he did it in a way he KNEW would grow into something.
As I have shared before, I haven’t been on an airplane for 8 years today in fact. I’ve told the story – read it here if you’d like the full story….but here’s the summary – I got stuck traveling for work, on Sept 11, 2001. It was my third trip for work in like 4 weeks – and one of my last flights was the flight from hell. Getting stuck in San Diego seemed like a sign to me – a sign to go home and stay away from airplanes.
I could go on and tell you how I felt that day – that day I woke up, turned on the TV, and was thrust into everything that was happening without preamble (it had started before I was even awake). I could describe the feeling I had when I watched the first tower collapse – and then the second one. I could recap the long talks the guy who worked for me and I had while we drove the 18hours straight home – the long talks that allowed us to avoid the radio. I could also lay out the panic attack I had when my boss, a week later, said I had to fly back down there – and the sense of relief I felt when a cohort said he would do it.
But, I don’t really feel like it. I need to mark the occasion not by what it did to me for the past 8 years, but in another way.
So, I have.
Garbanzo, I can’t go to LA with you but we’re going away the weekend after our anniversary. Derek is watching the kids. You and I are going to Seattle. It’s not a far away trip, and it also may seem like a waste of money. But I think a 50 minute plane ride is all I can do initially. If it goes well, then I’ll take you to Vegas or go with you somewhere else.
The tickets are booked. The hotel is booked. We are going.
While I will be remembering what happened today, I’ll also be trying to mark this day as a turning point. The day I get myself back on a plane – the day I stop letting myself be limited by what happened.
Wish me luck.