Thursday afternoon, Indigo’s teacher cornered Garbanzo at school and said the words we have been expecting all year – “We need to talk about Indigo.”
So Friday, after school, we sat down with her teacher to find out what is happening. Indigo is having “friend issues”. There is a group of kindergarten girls who are already suffering from the Queen Bee syndrome. Queen Bee Syndrome, simply put, is an attitude by a woman or girl that they are more important than the peers. They can be pushy and condescending to get what they want. And, they use these methods to keep their peers down so they can get what they want. This behavior in girls this young depresses the hell out of me. I suspect most women will agree with me in saying this behavior is one of the main reasons you cannot pay me to relive the ages 12-14 again. So, to see this in young girls at 5 or 6 makes me crazy. But, I could do a whole other post about how girls/women are horrible to each other. Between work and when I coached a 12-14-year old girls softball team, I have seen too much.
The problem with this “friend issue” is that Indigo tends to be the victim. But, and here is the weird part, she does it to herself because of how she handles things. I should mention now that this was not what we expected to be talking to her teacher about.
As I’ve mentioned before, Indigo is our corporate attorney in training. No one can ever accuse her of not using her words. The problem is the fact she doesn’t stop talking enough to listen. We see this at home, we see this at taekwondo, and we see this at school. If her friends or sister or parents want her to do something else, she spends all of her energy on convincing that, when she fails to convince/bully her friends, she translates that into meaning no one likes her. Ah, the logic of a 6-year-old. Throw into the mix Indigo’s knack for creating drama where there is none, and her teacher is worried that the school experience is becoming a negative one.
Academically, Indigo is blowing her teacher out of the water. Recent testing has put Indigo into the first grade reading level, and her math has been at the first grade level all year. She is one hell of a smart kid. I guess that is the good news in all of this mess. She is not being affected academically.
So, we are going to hit Indigo from both sides. Her behavior at home towards her sister and friends will be monitored, and we will be spending a lot of time talking about being bossy and how not getting your way doesn’t mean someone doesn’t like you. Also, the school counselor is starting a play group with some of the kids having these issues. Indigo will be part of it. The goal is to teach kids a way to solve issues themselves without the drama.
The most curious part about all of this stuff is the fact that most of the girls who she has issues with at school are the little sisters of girls in DJ’s class. Most of the older sisters are friends of DJ. A friend of mine who is also a teacher asked me if maybe the little sisters are learning this behavior from the big sisters. Unfortunately, that is not happening. DJ and her friends are usually the girls who don’t get caught up in the girl drama. They are the ones to roll their eyes and walk away. They don’t give it the time, and they are outraged when others are treated that way by someone.
It will be interesting to see what happens. Needless to say, something will happen. That’s the downside for the kids of a teacher who happens to be teaching in the same school; something will happen. No emails, phone calls, or scheduled conferences needed. Yet another unforeseen advantage of having the kids at the same school as their dad.