Insomnia – Day 3

About every six months or so, I get a bout of insomnia that kind of comes out of nowhere.  My longest bout lasted between 7 or 10 days and occurred during my senior year of college.  At that time, I started having it right at the point where I had to decide what I wanted to do with my degree….and had the realization that doing software engineering was likely not my thing.  I enjoyed the high level design and the process for execution, not the actual execution itself.  While I enjoy trying to figure stuff out and find it to be a huge puzzle, I knew I ran the risk of losing interest.  At the time, IT was such a new thing that until someone brought it up to me, I was at a loss of what to do next.  Once I got that solved, I started sleeping again.  What I learned from the experience: not to worry about it as it just made it worse.  When I get them now, I try to just go with it.

Previous bouts of insomnia have been mainly job related in some way.  I always attribute it to not having enough time to deal with the situation during the waking hours, so my mind needs the night to sort through it all.  But, it has also occurred when big decisions are being made.  Like when Garbanzo started telling people who would ask when we were going to start having kids….before he and I had that conversation.  (To be fair, he gave me a 1-year warning….not like he decided next week or anything.)  Wrapping my brain around things took time….so I didn’t sleep.

This latest bout is weird.  I clearly am not grappling with anything like I have previously.   If anything, work has just gotten extremely busy this past week when my boss realized that she couldn’t do it all and started letting me take some stuff from her.  I went from having one project that was sitting in limbo thanks to a contract issue to having that one get the green light and three others get added.  Also, I gained a performance issue.  Change is hard, and this person is having a VERY difficult time with it.  I will be holding her hand thru it now whether she realizes it or not.  If anything, my night time thoughts center around making a mental to-do list for what I need to get done the next day.  But, once I get through the list, my mind moves on (and I’m not spending hours on it.)

On the family side of things, nothing is going on….no worries, no concerns, nothing….pretty much business as usual. 

Garbanzo and I are doing fantastic – and if anything, the night time thoughts are mainly because I’m just on cloud nine about it all.  Just when we started thinking there were no new levels to be added to our relationship, we have realized there are.  It’s been great…for both of us.

The other thing that makes this bout odd….how I’m doing during the day.  I’ve been getting between 4-5 hours the last three nights – and I have been doing great.  No additional caffeine needed to keep me going.  If anything, I am a bit more blunt about things – but that’s not really out of the norm….it’s just how I’m doing it is, I don’t know, more entertaining for everyone.

On Thursday, my cohort asked if he needed to cut off my coffee because of how I was dealing with users and getting things done.  He thought I must be on a coffee or a sugar high, so he thought he should cut me off before I crashed.  You could have knocked him over when I told him I didn’t have any coffee after 5am…..nor had I consumed sugar at all.  Friday was another good day.  When a C-level executive complained that no one was taking ownership of a business issue, I asked if that meant he was volunteering.  His response, “you know, I guess I am.”  I told him I would make sure that change was made.  I haven’t turned the tables on an exec in a long time.  What’s great about this one is that he knows I did it and was pretty tickled I had done that to him.  The Director of Marketing who was part of the conversation laughed her ass off, but all was good.  And, to think, no one likes that guy.  I always tell them he is misunderstood.  So, I guess no sleep is helping my work.

Like I said, there is no good rationalization for this one. I’m still active, sex is still good, eating has been healthy, and all is well.  Maybe I just don’t need the sleep.  In thinking about that last statement, my dad could do this too for long periods of time.  Maybe it’s finally kicked in for me.  Who knows.  I just hope I start getting a bit more sleep….maybe tonight.  Stay tuned.

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