I broke my rule today.
I argued with someone on the internet.
But hear me out – I feel I was justified.
Fuck, I am reminding me of that scene in Bull Durham where the woman says she was lured into doing something wrong.She wasn’t lured – she did it fully knowledgeable that it wasn’t a good idea – but she did it anyway.
Fuck, justified is no different than lured, is it?
Does it count that the person whose status I posted on privately messaged me a thank you note for stepping in to cut this person off at the knees?
Probably not – but a girl can try.
Let me explain.
There is a forum(?) on Reddit that is called “Am I The Asshole” – I’ll let this be my own version.
My alarm went off this morning, and I did what I normally do – browse social media as I wake up. And I came across a friend’s post responding to the latest narrowing of the Democratic field that occurred after Super Tuesday. This friend is a gay man who is from the Midwest and has been following closely to all of the shit going on all over the place where the Republicans are not only undoing the 8 yrs of gain under Obama – but appear to be attempting to drive them all back into the closet. He posted something about how we need to oppose Trump. He is not a fan of the vote for “anyone but Trump” but that’s where we are at.
Of course he feels that way – he’s a gay man who is out in all aspects of his life – and kinky too – and now feels he may need to go straighten his life. He is afraid. There is no secret.
In the comments, there is some good dialog about how much people hate this situation – hate we are back here again – etc etc……then out of the blue – BAM! – the wife of a friend of his goes after him for posting this than demands an explanation. He attempts to give her one – one she rejects – and demands a better one. This continues until he finally says “I think I’m being clear, yet you keep demanding me to defend myself – I don’t know what more you want from me”
That is where I felt compelled to join.
I was lured?
I responded to her simply with “no one likes the situation we find ourselves in – that we agree – what is your recommendation for the upcoming election that is reasonable and realistic and will get us into a better place than we are now?”
Her response: “We just need to keep putting on pressure”
Yes, that’s reasonable and realistic and will get us into a better place. Oh I can feel all of the reproductive rights that have been stripped of me coming back now……eye roll.
My friend responded with “great – how do we do it in a way that has impact in the 2020 elections.”
Nada but continued rhetoric and attacks.
Finally, I was done. I told her that I find it rich she comes onto the status of “our” friend and decides to attack him …..you recall he is a gay man right – a gay man who is watching is rights erode away by this administration. I said some other stuff – but it doesn’t matter.
She came back – told me to sit the fuck down – denied any attacking language – then told me to fuck off.
I mean – how dare she say that! <eye roll>
In the middle of all of this, the friend whose post she was vomiting over thanked me privately. He was trying to end the conversation, but she kept demanding and pushing him to explain. He was thankfully I turned the tables on her – only to find out she had nothing.
He felt I took her from an offensive attacking position and made her play defense…..and she was losing. Good, I thought – that was my intent. What can I say – when I feel like someone is being an asshole – I can play that game and I have less to lose because I don’t care. I just want to fuck with them.
Funny enough, my husband who is friends with her had commented on her post – a comment of support – and her response was they cannot be friends anymore because of how I made her feel on this friend’s post. <add another eye roll>
Fuckery aside – I do have a fundamental belief that is someone posts something in their own space that they can. They do not owe anyone an explanation. It’s like going into someone’s house and getting pissed because you didn’t like something they said. May be a good think to get pissed about but you are in their house….so….shrug.
Let me further explain – and maybe this is just my rural Midwest approach to shit. When I was getting ready for my wedding in 1995, my dad and I were at his brother’s house. His brother is a racist. I won’t mince my words – nor will my dad. We both remark quite often that my grandparents are rolling over in their graves because they went out of their way to raise their kids to not be racist assholes. 1 out of 3 of their kids didn’t get that memo.
Anyway – my dad told his brother that the best man was black and that no racist bullshit would be tolerated. This was his warning. My uncle – the lovely man (insert sarcasm here) launched into this very racist rant – insert the N-word all over the place – then looked at me to challenge him. I turned and started walking to the door. My dad asked why I was I leaving – didn’t I have anything to say?
Yeah, I said, I was leaving because everyone gets to be an asshole in their own castle but if he was an asshole in the wedding or reception, his ass would be thrown. But that his warning – and I didn’t need to be under his roof if he was going to be that kind of man – and I left.
My uncle was shocked. My dad laughed because his brother was shocked – and well, I was right – every man can be an asshole in their castle, they just might be alone in the end.
(In case anyone was curious – my uncle and rest of the family was on their best behavior – they didn’t expect the black best man to be six feet, six inches tall and about 350……he was intimidating to them. Not sure if they ever picked up he was also gay but I didn’t care. If anything, it made me laugh more.)
Going back to the story – I am a believer that status and posts and blogs are people’s homes. They get to say things. They owe no one anything. And if they are being assholes – the natural consequence is they are an asshole that is alone. And just like you wouldn’t let an asshole in your own house – if you happen to have one come into your space, you are likely going to push them out the door as you should.
Plus, going back to politics – the last four years have been financially good for investments and 401k portfolios, but hard for many other people. Reproductive rights are on the line. Gay people are losing adoption and fostering rights all over – just to give an example. Racism and attacks on black people – and non-Christians – is increasing and tolerated in some areas of the country. For many groups of people, this is a scary time.
I get that. I get all of that. And to have a cisgendered white female attack a gay man for saying “I hate the fact it has come to this – but I cannot do anything but vote for someone that is Not Trump” – well…..fuck her. She doesn’t get to say his feelings are wrong.
After taking her to task, it was clear she wanted to argue but was definitely on the defense and feeling emotional. When I pointed out that attacking a gay man because he doesn’t believe like she did, that was clearly the straw that broke her.
I was told to fucking sit down.
To fuck off.
And I didn’t care.
I decided not to pour salt into her wound. It would have been fun, but I was advised it was too far. So instead I said “ I will fuck off but I won’t sit down. “ I avoided saying “sorry for hurting your feelings – not really” Though, I wanted to. No small injuries, right. Machiavelli would be proud. Instead I addressed my friend saying “ I love you – and remember, you owe no one an explanation for how you feel. Keep doing you – you have my support”.
Ok, maybe I am an asshole.
But I’m okay with that.
Because I refuse to demand people think like me – while I may like it to be that way sometimes, I guess the Midwest sensibilities kick in and I remember that people’s thinking is not my business but their own at the end of the day. So I say what I say – and let it be.
I’m okay with being the asshole.