I didn’t sleep last night. Or, rather, I slept maybe four hours last night. Then between crazy dreams and rambling thoughts that tossed around my head when I was awake, I ended up waking at about 2am – and never going back to sleep.
In hopes that tonight that I get some sleep, I present the top 10 things on my mind right now. In no particular order…..
1. G is about to change jobs. A few of your readers know me in real life, so I ask you do not mention this in any public matter as it is not public knowledge yet – and there are factors to consider. But, in short – he is leaving teaching and doing something completely different. He is doing all of the right things with this leap. He and I swore we would never work together in any way because, well, I am vinegar and he is oil – and while together we make a good salad dressing – he wants to jump off the cliff while I am making him wait for safety gear, experienced cliff jumpers, and a rescue boat. Our difference in style has, shall we say, caused some friction at times. G watched his parents kill their marriage over working together – and not finding that balance between oil and vinegar in their relationship. It has always been a fear – and at times, a valid one. The upside of all that is happening right now is that when I try to slow things down a bit to ask questions, i usually end up apologizing – and he ends up thanking me and saying “please – slow me down – get the experienced cliff divers and the rescue boat – I need the rescue boat.” Which leads me to ….
2. This change for him will be a change for us. The man is busy as it is but for a while soon, we just really won’t see each other. It will just be the reality. And while I am used to being in a position where he is doing something crazy like drive around the world, this is going to be weird. Date nights are going to be gone. I’m thankful our youngest is almost an adult (now if I can get her to get her damn driver’s license that would be great). And there is an extra adult in the house which will definitely be helpful too. It’s going to be weird.
3. My job is both good and bad and just weird. My boss sucks. Let’s just lay that on the table now. He is a man child who has sold himself with skills he is lacking – and making it worse, he believes he has them. If a simple representation of maturity is crawl – walk – then run – he took a department that was walking and starting to run all the way back to crawling. It is truly incredible. Compared to my last job – this one is much better. I’ve had shitty bosses before. If he has done one thing, he has united the team together under a common flag of “our boss is an idiot”. I have fun with the people I work with. I like them. I like most of the people outside of my department. Sure the usual bullshit applies as it would apply anywhere, but at least I laugh more than want to pummel someone with my coffee cup. And that’s what makes it weird. The focus is just on weird stuff. My brain sometimes frets over what this is going to be all about when I go to work.
4. My parents leave the state pretty much any day now. Apparently they are trying to fit, as my husband said, ten gallons of stuff into a five gallon bucket. My dad was upset with me because I wasn’t coming down to help. Well, I don’t have any real vacation time left outside of what I’ll need for an emergency – and with G down there helping this week, someone had to be here to make sure the youngest goes to school, doesn’t eat like shit, and does her homework. I don’t want them to leave, but get why they are doing it. Just because I understand doesn’t mean I have to like it. Never thought I would be making a trip back to Iowa anytime soon – but I guess that’s the funny thing about life: never say never.
5. To be blunt, I need some kinky time with SB. We had fun when we went away together, and it reminded me how much I miss it – and it keeps my head on straight (as weird as that may sound to many people who don’t understand.). And because I don’t want anyone to think that’s all I need from SB – well, it’s not – I miss the guy and like spending time with him – so being able to have that is always good.
6. I wish my body would just decide if I am hitting menopause or not. This screwy ass bullshit it is pulling is driving me nutty.
7. I wonder if I call the trash company and ask them to empty the recycling like trash this week would they do it. I number of homeless camps have popped up on the area near the freeway which is near the house – so the other day I noticed that someone had tossed a shit ton of their trash into our recycling. Yes, I could go through it and sort it all out, but I think it is safe to assume it is all contaminated now. And while I love the environment, I am not that dedicated to washing everything out again. I think I know their answer will be put it into trash bags……but its worth an ask, I guess. The recycling in the house is getting out of control which is driving me nutty.
8. Three days ago, a classmate of mine asked to be friends on Facebook. I accepted it as we never hated each other or anything. Less than 48 hrs after I accepted, I started seeing “RIP” type messages on his page. At first I wondered if someone had asked to friend me so I would know he has passed. Nope. He died of a heart attack leaving behind four kids. I think the youngest is 3 or 4. I feel for his family. Just can’t believe I am old enough where I am going to start seeing this more and more.
9. I have a month or less to put a new set of photos together for an art show. I have to take new ones but more importantly, I have to find a space to shoot them. I truly feel like underlying to everything that I’m hearing the slow ticking of a clock reminding me time is passing and I have done nothing. I just wish the studio I used before would reopen now so I can get on with it. Trying to find a new one sucks and has felt fruitless.
10. Can a dog have sleep apnea? Mine snores a lot. It cannot be healthy.
So there you go – all of the things that have me awake at night. I guess I should also include a big fluffy ginger kitty who has decided he needs love at all house of the day and night, so jumps on me and meows in my face until I pet him until he falls asleep. Damn needy animals.