I’m feeling those lyrics today with how this week has gone. It’s been a long crappy week….some more…..still. I don’t know anymore. I’m trying to shift my thinking and all to a place where the shit that keeps happening won’t bug me as much – where I can blow it off. But sadly, that’s not who I am – I am not someone who can’t or won’t feel.
I learned last night that I scared the kid last week. I may have scared him with my temper, but it sounds like I scared him with my words to him – what I pointed out in an incredibly forceful way. There is something nice about the fact he is having to sit with those words – let them percolate. The fact that even while he was fully engaged with his lizard brain that something got through to his rational brain makes me somewhat happy. I just hope he gets to a place where he can talk about it. At this point, I should be the adult and have that conversation with him, but as G pointed out to the kid’s therapist yesterday – each conversation we try to have with him over the past week is forced and usually results in him getting upset. He clearly doesn’t want to talk – so it’s in his court to decide when that is.
I decided last night that I really need to go shoot photos somewhere. I wish my car was back from the shop so I could. I may have to negotiate with G to steal his car as my oldest’s hybrid isn’t going to cut it. Not sure where I want to go. Feeling like some landscapes – but the weather could make that tricky. We shall see what the weekend brings – I just know I need to recharge. I’ll be taking rugby photos on Saturday – they have their first game. But I need to shoot something else. I like it – but it doesn’t feed me as much as my own stuff.
My photos from the last kink party were released the other day. I decided since work kept me late on Wednesday to hit the local munch that is held literally on my drive home. There really wasn’t anyone there yet when I arrived which was fine. I needed to rest my attitude, so I grabbed a beer and spent the 3 dollars in my pocket playing pinball as people started to arrive.
Let me meander a moment on playing pinball. When I worked at a pizza place in high school, often times on the weekend, a handful of us had to work a split shift meaning we worked from like 8-10am through 2-3pm then back at 5pm until close (1am). We often spent the time between shifts playing the two pinball games in the corner of the place. Playing was sort of meditative – as weird as that sounds. You were concentrating on the ball, where it was going, and, when you were good enough, you knew how to calmly save a ball that looked to be going between the flippers. We all got so good that we would have long games on a single play.
I had been years since I had played pinball. Sipping the beer, putting in my money, and pulling back on the plunger to start the game took me back to high school. And in those 15 minutes or so, I was transported back to high school. Right when I was waiting to see if I had gotten the bonus ball, I heard a familiar voice say, "God I love the photos you get from that kink party! I look forward to when they post. My favorite is…." At this point I turned around to realize there were a half dozen people there. I picked up my beer and went to join the munch.
The feedback was good to get. It was also good to talk photography for a while. Just made me realize how I need to go do my own – not do it for someone else and within their boundaries.
Here’s hoping that can be done this weekend….or soon…..
I need the mental health break.