I’m feeling unsettled this morning. I’m waiting for my neighbors at work to make a comment about my inability to stand still or even close to still. (I work at a standing desk.) I just can’t focus on anything – though the donut I ate against my better judgement is sitting in my gut not helping me.
I slept like shit last night.
It really is no wonder when I look at how my work day turned into my evening.
While talking to my daughter, she mentioned one cat but not the other, so I made an off-hand remark that she should figure out where he had holed up. A hysterical kid called me back five minutes later – the cat was not in the house. So while driving the fucked up commute between work and the training facility, I am trying to console the kid or at least light a fire in her to find the cat first, freak out second. In the meantime, between calls, I’m calling the kid to see if he will give up his time with his friends and head home early to help her. Thankfully he was a big brother in his past life, so I think my ask re-activated his desire to help her – so he jumped on the train and headed back fast. At this point, I’m searching the various local neighborhood sites for "found cats", posting lost cat notices, and registering him lost with local animal control in case he shows up there. Then I got another call from her just as I got a message from the kid he was almost to the house……..she found him. Sounds like the house he was hiding under was giving her some shit about getting him. She held her own, described him to a T, and got him without further issue. Now she was in hysterics because he was home.
A great way to start a 3-hr class about sexual abuse and foster kids.
The three hour course was broken into sections: domestic violence and how it causes a lifetime of trauma for the children (with video), talking about sex with kids, sexual abuse & how to spot normal sexual behavior vs red flag behavior, and how to parent a child who has been sexually abused. There were three videos.
I must applaud how they handled the subject. In this day and age of trigger warnings, safe spaces, and eliminating uncomfortable topics from discussions, the material and instructor did a great job saying "look – this is not a fun topic, it could trigger things in your own person experiences, but we’re still going to talk about it all – so here are resources to get you help if you need to work through your own experiences – but remember to breath and do your best." They did not try to side step any of the tough stuff, they did not downplay it, they did not sugar coat it. It was what it needed to be.
But fuck was it heavy stuff.
I did not sleep well last night mainly because all I kept doing was dreaming about the different scenarios presented – do I see the warning behavior – what am I going to do about it. Then I’d wake myself up only to find my brain still working like it is still solving the thing in the dream. Sleep was pretty shitty.
Then to add to it, the missing cat decided he needed to come check on me every hour. He is a loud boy too – he will quietly walk into the room and jump on the bed, then loudly meow to announce his presents as he head butts my hand to pet him.
No wonder I feel unsettled today.
At least it is Friday.