"You aren’t your usual self – are you ok?"
The short random instant message I got from someone on my team this morning. It took my by surprise because, well, I always like to think I keep my worlds separate. I keep work at work and home at home – and they don’t bleed into each other. But the short message was a simple reminder that my facade is never true – I don’t have a poker face – so no matter what I’m controlling (or thinking I am controlling), it is not true.
In addition to this message, I woke up this morning to see a post by a doctor that I started following years ago. She is local and has some amazing insights to women’s health. Anyway, she reported something she wrote last week.
"Stop looking outside yourself. You won’t find what you need anywhere else, but within. And yes, it might hurt, it might suck, and it might be uncomfortable, but it will definitely be worth it.
This moon is lighting up the feminine and preparing us all for the coming year. Whatever went down in 2018 is NOT YOU. It just is. It was a lesson. It was an opportunity. But not even for a minute was it a definition of you as the divine being you are."
On the way to work, I was listening to a podcast as I usually do, and the entire discussion was around healing and sobriety. Two topics that have been at the forefront of my mind the last couple of weeks as the kid is going through treatment. And the themes were the same:
"Don’t look for an external solution to an internal problem"
and a story about how every time we think we can control our lives – any and all aspects – we are just setting ourselves up for believing our own bullshit which fuels our troubles, and it does not solve anything. A lesson that goes beyond those with addiction issues,
Yes, Universe, I hear your lesson for me today.
I hear it loud and clear.
I am fooling no one. I am only making myself feel drained and not my best self.
All because I think I have an iota of control over a situation where I have, in reality, none.
The other thing, Universe, that I am hearing you loud and clear on….
(I’ve seen this quote about a dozen times the last few days.)