I think this summarizes well my mental process today – trying to be meditative about this transition. Breathing – reminding myself to breathe – and at the same reminding myself to let myself feel shit – even if it isn’t shit I want to feel. My dad called me about noon today to see how I was doing. I couldn’t speak. And normally I would have been fighting to actually maintain control and fight through it while stomping down my feelings, I took a deep breathe and told my dad that today was still rough and the tears were right there. He was understanding and responded in a way that helped. When I was done, I felt better, even if it was sThe
The day progressed on – and I realized that it is good that I had the foster kid here. He gave me something to focus on – and he was in a sharing space today, so we talked a lot. It was good redirecting that energy.
The only downside came when DJ’s friend came back for the night. The plan has been for her to stay with us given her college is blocks from our house while about a 30 min drive from her own. She and DJ negotiated the room situation since she was taking DJ’s room. Yet, seeing her come in with her boxes – hearing what she was going to do in terms or rearranging and all? Well, yeah – no. I was left in tears. It was way too soon. Thankfully Indigo was champ and understood and all because she helped a lot.
Self care has been the name of the game today. Part of me wants to call in sick tomorrow just so I have another day to process things. Not sure I’m ready to face the world right now.
My mom told me earlier that it was just a sign that I raised her right. I asked how that was a sign, and she said, “well, you don’t want her to go because she is so awesome that you want to be an active part of her life yet. Just means you raised a good kid who is becoming an awesome adult.”