Tired – I needed something out of the living room before I sent to bed and walked into an unexpected situation – our foster son sobbing on the couch as his friends (my daughter and another friend) were awkwardly trying to console him. I immediately jumped into mama bear mode asking what was wrong, etc and found out that he had just learned a friend of his had committed suicide. I immediately sat down beside him and pulled him into a hug – and he sobbed for about 20 minutes. Honestly, this is the most emotion I’ve seen from the kid since he has walked into the house. He will laugh, he will smile, but his other emotion is a stoic one. Seeing him in this state was a surprise to his friends – I think that’s why they were awkward in the situation because they have never ever seen him even close to this before. And honestly, I couldn’t help but believe that the sudden grief gave way to a lot of other emotions he had been feeling. Even after he settled down, he just sat there letting me hug him. I wasn’t asking questions – I wasn’t talking – I was just being with him which is something I think he needed more than anything. He just kept commenting how he never wanted to go through this – over and over again. He finally commented that he wanted to go sit outside, so I went with him. Out there, he told me his friend’s name. He told me a bit more about the situation – and he said once again that he never wanted to go through this. I told him about losing a close friend of mine to suicide. The story was not of a teenager, but an adult – but the story was so very similar despite the age differences. I told him about the thoughts we all had after he was gone. What did we miss? We should have done more even though we didn’t know enough to do more. I assured him all of that was normal. I told him more was likely going on than he was letting people know. My daughter and their friend came outside and brought him a cup of tea – and the conversation shifted to the drunk, loud hipsters at the surf bar down the street. And we all sat there for about an hour talking and just being. I finally sent them to bed – and tried to go to sleep myself, but was awake. A lot of emotions – a lot of things to process – sleep did not come easy which is why I’m not surprised I’m tired. Tired on a few levels.
Excited – Despite last night, I have to say I am excited for tonight because I get to see my best friend from childhood. He is awesome – and I’m excited to catch up with him and find out all about this boy he fell in love with. I look forward to spending time with him AND watching soccer. Hey, I’m a multitasker. Grin.
Things I’m Digging:
Last week, I recommended a podcast called Armchair Expert. This week, I recommend a new one: My Dad Wrote A Porno. G found this one while he was traveling last year and has been trying to get me to listen to it ever since. I finally downloaded it and wish I had done so sooner. The premise is simple: the host’s dad wrote a porno (aka erotic novel), and his dad decided his son needed a copy of it. I guess the least awkward way to read it is to read it aloud with two friends which is exactly what he does. Each episode, they read and discuss a chapter of his erotic novel "Belinda Blinked". The first episode, I was listening to on my drive home from work – and had to hit pause because I was laughing so hard that I was crying – and it was becoming dangerous. It is far from fine erotic literature – and the color commentary by the host and his friends is fucking brilliant. I am four episodes into the first season (there are 3 seasons of bad porno goodness), and I want to sit down and listen to them all, but have to be careful as giggling uncontrollably is not easy to explain in certain situations. I strongly suggest you take a listen – especially if you need something to brighten your day.