Friday Feelz

What a crazy week! Yes, another one.

Conflicted – Someone made an unexpected decision that is having ripple effects right now. And honestly, I’m not sure how I feel right now. While I appreciate that person’s right to decide what they did, I also cannot neglect the fact this person made this very important decision without any council …. with anyone. And that is their right – but the message it sends is very wrong. The bridges it blows up with people ….well, there are more bridges than that person may have realized. And all I can do is sit back and watch. Any one that knows me knows that sitting back and watching is not something I do well.

Worried – Just when I thought all was going well with my dad – I found out that it has been a rougher few days than was communicated. He landed in the hospital in the middle of one night because the pain became impossible for him to manage which made him worry something was wrong. Between that trip and the visit to the surgeon, he just learned the extent of which he may be hurting as he heals as everything looks fine and on schedule – no infections or other complications are presenting. So they tossed better pain meds at him – meds, I learned, he has been reluctant to accept thanks to his worries about addiction, etc. Yesterday seemed better – he was up and out more – he was doing better with the regular pain medication – and he seemed to be resting well. I hope the last few days was a bump – not a set back.

Parenting Is Hard – I know, I’m stating the obvious. Over the last week, my oldest went from being sick to freaking out about the fact it is almost May and she is almost done with school and college – how is she going to fair in college?? All of that keeps making her sick. So, I’m alternating between pep talks and kicks in the ass which, the use of the latter has been hard to gauge because it sometimes has the opposite effect. Yesterday, it all hit the fan. She is seeing her doctor today to make sure that something isn’t indeed medically wrong – and a counselor appointment is slated for next week. I have decided that while she is my mini-me in many ways, that when it comes to things like this, she has the anxiety issues that G has. Hopefully we can get it sorted out.

Recharge is needed – I think that goes without saying. I have had moments where I have been able to take a day and just sleep. I have had moments of good energy exchanges with people I care about (SB & G & Another Friend). But I haven’t take photos just for me in months now. I have not planted or even planned my garden yet. I have not done the things that feed me. I feel like I’m moving day-to-day and that’s it. I know that some of these things are simply signs of the time of the year – end of the school year is always crazy. I know it won’t continue forever. I just need to sort out how to get what I need in the middle of it all.

And on that depressing note:


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