Relief – Dad’s surgery went well yesterday. It was a long LONG process and an even longer day, but everything went extremely well. Doctor was pleased. She said his heart started acting better almost immediately after she was completed. The nurse told us he was responding perfectly – no issues or even small concerns. Overnight, things continued to go well for him – and this morning they were on target to transition him to oral medications, getting him out of bed, and getting him out of the ICU. Relief – relief is 100% what I feel.
Gratitude – I am grateful for those in my life. The people at work have been amazing. I have had several people on my team check-in to make sure things are going well with their concerns about work being secondary. I have had lots of messages from friends and family. I told my brother yesterday that this thing with my dad has fucked with me emotionally more than past situations with my mom and even my dad. It was nice feeling the support from everyone – I am grateful to have it.
Amused – Amused in the middle of all other things this week may seem out of place, but it fits. Why am I amused? I am amused at the fact that in the middle of everything yesterday – all of the stress and waiting – that my brothers and I could sit there and talk and laugh. At one point, I think we were amusing others in the surgical waiting area. We weren’t being somber enough, but fuck – sometimes you need to laugh to keep from crying. Even today, as I’m sitting in the ICU with my dad and the rest of the family, we are making jokes – even my dad was making jokes – and everyone coming through to care for him wasn’t quite sure what they were walking into which just amused me even more. A week ago, a social worker interviewing G and me asked me to describe my family. And these moments – these right here describe my family perfectly. At the end of the day when things are out of our control, we will choose to laugh from the stress, until we may cry – but even then, we will still keep laughing.
Things I have been listening to: Yesterday when my personal anxiety was at its worse, I found this guy’s playlists on Spotify. I found him for his vegan recipes a couple of months ago after my kid went vegan. It was exactly what I needed. I put my headphones on, and wandered around for about an hour as we waited. It was perfect. Mellow, soulful, uplifting – it was what I needed – something a bit different and unexpected. Check out the mississippivegan.com too. His photography of food is amazing.