Since I missed Friday because I was away on a work trip, I figured I would do one for the weekend.
- Tired – More like exhausted. I was trying to figure out why I was so tired when I was driving home from the work trip on Friday. Then I realized it was because I spent 13 hours Wednesday working, then spent 19 hours Thursday working, and then spent 9 hours on Friday working. In the span of 3 days, I spent over 40 hours working. Why have I been feeling exhausted? Because I put in a long fucking work week. And the 3 days on the work trip resulted in me not having any downtime or time to recharge. So, yeah – tired is an understatement.
- Excited – I put up the show today where 15 of my photographs will be featured. A friend of mine who is also an artist told me that if I feel the energy while I was shooting it and editing it, then the energy will be felt by those who see it. So far, I believe that to be true as even the more critical people at the club who have seen it have been like “WOW – these are great!” I’m hoping that continues – and I am hoping people get out to see it. I want a great showing – like REALLY want a great showing. And I worry that it won’t happen. I know – I need to focus on it happening instead.
- Saudade – I’m stealing a Portuguese word for “longing for an absent someone” because I feel it fits how I’m feeling. I miss SB. It has been a long crazy week for me being absent. And yes, I know it is I who is absent thanks to work. Doesn’t mean I don’t long to see him – to be with him. I hate it when things like this happen that result in us not being able to have time together. I know shit happens – I know life happens – I know not everything is in our control. Knowing this doesn’t make things any better.
- Nostalgic – My oldest turns 18 soon – like in about 10 days – and I cannot help but wonder where the time has gone. I was talking to someone today who has a 4-month old, and I resisted telling him he love and embrace it all because it will fly by sooner than you can even imagine. That is how I feel. Layer onto things the fact she is also going to be going to college far away, and the next six months are going to leave me a mess. She is my mini-me. She gets me, and I get her. We don’t fight – we may debate something, but generally, we spent most of our time laughing at shit. Last week, she curled up with me on the couch when it was just a night of me and her. And I realized in this moment that is what I will really miss. The awesome times we have together – just her and me. I have been part of that for so long – it is going to be hard to just be in the stands watching while she navigates things as an adult. But I’m excited for her and all she is wanting to do. It makes it sad but good. Funny how life turns out. I mean, when I found out I was having girls, I couldn’t relate and worried I wouldn’t be able to handle it. Now? Wouldn’t change anything – I was given what I need.