- The Road to hell….is paved with good intentions. This has been my motto at work this week. On Monday, I was blindsided by a cohort who was providing me (once again) feedback on how I need to deal with my team. And (once again), it was framed in the "so hey, you know when you do X that they get upset so stop doing X". Problem was he made assumptions about why I did X. X in this case was cancelling a meeting. What he didn’t know? I cancelled it because I had met with the team on Friday afternoon – at 2 pm. To have a 9 am Monday morning meeting seemed odd to me. I mean, only 4 work hours have passed since we met. So, I gave them the hour back. This led to a huge discussion about how I could change and should – how it would be better for them. And how he was going to do some things too (things that are my job not his) to help out. I called a halt to it. I also told him that while I appreciate his intent, that I am going to opt to do nothing. Why? Because I cannot react each time he tells me to. Right now, all I feel I’m doing is reacting. I told my boss the same thing. This discussion wove its way through all of our discussions for the week. Finally, my boss and I both tried to get him to understand that his intentions while good are actually causing a negative consequence for me and my team as well between my team and my boss. Change is hard, but if we continually allow him to buffer them from the change that it won’t allow things to actually change. Don’t know if he got it in the end, but damn – what a long hard week. Thursday morning, I woke up thinking "Oh, thank goodness it is finally Friday." Yeah. That kind of week.
- Trust in myself – what this crazy week has done for me is remind myself that I need to trust in myself. I need to not allow him to gaslight what I am observing and feelings about how things are going. While that meeting example above may have you scratching your head, it had me truly throwing up my hands wondering if I can do anything right with those guys. It also had me questioning what they were saying to me and all. If I came away from a conversation with them feeling like we had a good candid discussion about something important, I started wondering if that was true or was I going to hear the truth through someone else. Hitting that point earlier this week of "I’m done – I need to stop second guessing myself and hold my course" was important. I know my boss found my perspective equally important.
- To Grow is to be uncomfortable – This has been the other theme of the week for me mostly at work. My boss has this chart he draws which is concentric circles. In the center is comfort. In the next layer out, is discomfort. In the next layer out is panic. He often talks about how the center (comfort) zone cannot get bigger without spending some time in the discomfort zone. Only through experiencing and dealing with discomfort can one become comfortable with a situation or new idea or new process, etc. The key is to keep people out of the panic zone because there no one grows. We have spent a lot of time trying to get people out of their comfort zone for growth but also keep them from panicking. And even we as the manager have had to confront some uncomfortable ideas – ideas that have forced us out of what we know and are comfortable with to explore another way that may be better. It’s hard work, but it is the only way to grow.
- I like dates– I like sitting close together. I like laughing and talking. I like having a hand on the other person – the kisses – the hugs. I look forward to those times. I look forward to those energy exchanges that make the stress melt away and the soul soar. Yeah, I’m feeling that.
- Squicking my brother is fun – He knows too much. He knows we’re poly. He knows I’m kinky. He knows I take erotic photos. I mentioned something about needing to ask G’s girlfriend about something work related. "Why would you ask her?" I explained she works at the same company. He freaked out. "That’s weird – how is that not weird to you??" And on and on he went. I just started laughing. That – THAT is his line in my life between what is normal and weird. That is weird.
- Phrases from my week that are weird but make me laugh: "You can’t stop a dog from killing chickens" and "We don’t speak dog. We should stop trying to speak dog."