Ways not to have a conversation with me:
Cohort: So I just got done meeting with the business owners and they have decided to collapse the requirements from the complicated setup to the simple one.
Me: Very cool. Hopefully the rework on our side has no surprised.
Cohort: Well, it shouldn’t because we are making it simple.
Me: Agreed, but this is where we find out what crazy shit Jane did with her programming – her stuff is always the wild card in it all.
Cohort: Well it would have been an issue anyways as this entire pattern was already in our use case.
Me: Regardless, we need to pull Jane and John together and get them working on the rework first thing in the morning.
Cohort: Yeah, well – that’s why I’m sending this tonight.
Me setting the phone down and walking away before I toss it across the room.
How to have this same conversation with me without me wanting to throw my phone:
Cohort: So I just got done meeting with the business owners and they have decided to collapse the requirements from the complicated setup to the simple one. We should grab Jane and John first thing tomorrow morning so we can get them reworking the code.
Me: Cool – on both counts. We will chat more in the morning with them. Unless there are surprises, should be something we can wrap up in a couple of days.
Cohort: Yep, see you in the morning.
I like my cohort – I really do, but fuck me to tears with how he communicates. Usually I’m wanting to throw something at him when I’m stuck between him and the users trying to translate. But to be on the other side of this conversation where he’s pulling the same shit with me? Well, that makes me want to throw something really heavy at him. Just get to the fucking point already. And when you don’t, don’t frame it like I’m the idiot when you are the shitty communicator.
I should mention that I’ve noticed a trend over the last couple of week. A trend where the users invite me to a meeting – and not him. They don’t want him there. Late last week, he objected to something and one user looked at the other and said, “see, I told you he would do that – you owe me $20 per our bet.” That’s just fucking embarrassing. But not as much as him trying to tell the new guy – a guy who spent the last 10-yrs doing HR but has decided to join IT – how HR works including things like labor law and payroll rules. Nothing he said made any sense. I mean, I’ve managed people for 20 years of my career at several different companies and I have never heard the “law” the way he has described it.
In the end, I know he is worried about losing control and being irrelevant, but fuck. The way you don’t be that is by working on your skillset – staying in your lane – and realizing that to grow is to go outside of your comfort zone. He will only do the first thing – the rest? Nope.
Until we all figure out how to get him to understand and do the right things? I get to spend 20 minutes having a 2 minute conversation with him as he exerts his control to make himself feel better.
I guess I should be thankful I was at home drinking a Bad Santa (Pelican Brewing – if you can find it – buy it because it is fucking awesome). Yeah, I’ll hold onto that positive.