subtitled: Why It Is Good HR Is In Another Building
Dev1: I’m remote tomorrow because my wife has her reconstructive surgery in the morning.
Dev2: Ooo! The wife and I spent a date night watching breast reconstruction surgery videos on YouTube. Are they making her nipples too? What about the spacers? Are they done expanding them?
Dev1: Tomorrow is the whole thing – nipples, tattooing, implants – everything.
Dev2: How they make nipples is really fascinating!
DBA: Why is it you know as much as he does about his wife’s reconstruction surgery?
Dev2: I was curious – so I researched it. I mean, don’t you ever wonder how they reconstruct the nipples?
Dev2: But I do have one question I couldn’t get answered, are they sensitive afterwards? Do they stand out if it is cold like normal ones – or are they just there so the breasts don’t look weird.
Dev1: Well, they say that they can be sensitive over time – but you’ll have to ask my wife if that is true.
Dev2: Oh, I will……
Dev1 walks by me and says: Just so you know, my wife had breast cancer which is why we are talking about that. We don’t usually talk about making nipples.
Me: Oh, I figured that out.
Dev2: Yeah, I tend to share too much because then I find out how I’m weird and new ways for me to feel self conscious. Like how Dev1 made me feel about my ears.
Me: Your ears?
Dev2: Well, I can pop my ears really easily. And when they feel clogged, I do it to open them back up. I did it one day, not thinking about it, when he freaked out. He was sitting next to me and heard it. Then he made me feel weird because I pop my ears. I had no idea that normal people can’t do that, so then it made me wonder if I was doing something wrong or if maybe I had an ear issue or something.
Me: Well, and I can’t believe I’m using this knowledge, I did have an ear-nose-throat specialist make me learn to pop my ears just like that. Over six years, I had something like 6 sets of tubes in my ears. After the last set, he was convinced my ear drums needed to move more in order to get my hearing 100% or something. So I had to pop my ears like once an hour during the day.
Dev2: Really? So what you’re saying is I’m not weird.
Me: Oh you are weird – just not in that way.
Dev2: What if I told you you can feel the air come out my ears when I pop them?
Me: Just means you are a freak.
Scene: I’m standing between Dev2 and DBA talking to Dev1 who is on the other side of them.
Me: Who worked on that issue? Because you’re right, they shouldn’t have done that.
Dev1: Let me go look – I think it was Joe, but who knows.
Dev2: I think I’m going to take Monday off.
DBA: You are? What are you going to do?
Dev1: It was Joe. Here’s the thing….
Dev2: Well, the wife isn’t working either so I figured we’d go for baby #3.
Dev1: ….and by him doing that, he could have exposed the company to a security risk.
DBA: Well, your kids are getting older.
Me: That’s not good that Joe did that –
Dev2 (at the same time I’m talking): They are – plus, when will my wife and I have the time again to make a baby.
Me (after catching what Dev2 said): What the hell are you talking about?
Dev1: I feel like I missed something – what did I miss?
Dev3: You really don’t want to know –
Me & DBA: Yeah, you don’t.
Dev1: What’s HR’s number again? Clearly HR needs to be involved.
Dev2: What? I’m talking about a beautiful thing between me and my wife –
DBA: One that could result in a new tax deduction.
And this is the team I manage……