"Are you happy?"
A year ago, someone asked me this – and I just remember sitting there trying to figure out the way to answer.
Was I happy?
I was content in terms of satisfied where life was at. I wasn’t working but enjoying exploring my photography. I was enjoying the lack of stress the previous job had given me. I was enjoying life – but happy? Not sure I would use that word.
Because what I wasn’t doing was laughing as much as I usually do. I wasn’t excited about my days. I wasn’t finding humor in things or feeling excited about events. I wasn’t in a dark cloud of any sort – just wasn’t feeling truly happy.
I realize the other night as I was sitting there reading a hilarious exchange between people I went to college with, laughing so hard that I was crying, that this – THIS is happy.
I am happy.
I am happy with my job and the people I work with. While it is the same old IT crap just a different company, I enjoy the fuck out of the fact my cohorts are genuine and funny and just good people.
I am happy at where the kids are in terms of independence. I’m happy they are finding their own paths and their own voices. I am happy that most times they like each other instead of fighting with each other.
I am happy that a few things have happened over the past year that have made some shifts into how G and I do relationships including our own.
I am happy that SB is back in my life – that I have his love and his support and his energy.
I am laughing more.
I am joking around more.
I am smiling more.
I was never depressed – just felt like I was stuck at a cross roads waiting for something – needing to do something – just not knowing what. And being stuck at that cross roads wasn’t making me sad but wasn’t making me happy either.
Now that I’m on the path that I was meant to be on, life truly feels it is going the way it should be going…….
….and that makes me blissfully happy.