I am working on about 5 hours of sleep or so.
I am also not sure how I am still awake.
But I am.
I am reading a book for my class called “Don’t Think Like I Scientist” which is written by a scientist-turned-film-maker. Basically, the gist of the story is “scientists are horrible storytellers”. And, to make things interesting, tell one thing, then say “but” to create some tension. Creating tension moves the emotions from the head down to the sex organs. I like that because it reminds me of something SB would say when we were watching Game of Thrones and see the “parental advisory”. If it said “sexual situations and violence”, he would say “oooh! sex AND violence – this will be good.” Oh yeah – sex and violence are good. And according to this book, it is because it brings our entertainment to a primitive level.
So, to follow the advice, I have had 5 hours of sleep, but today has been good.
SB reminded me I could nap, but my brother was going to be in town about the time I would nap. I decided to forgo the nap because of that. I have found that if I want to nap, the person wanting to get ahold of me will do so while I am trying to nap.
My brother pinged me via text while talking to our mom. My mom, by the way, retired a few days ago. I am happy for her. She has had so many days of illness due to her sick cohorts coming to work that I am happy she is saying she is done. She needs to relax and stop stressing about shit.
I met my brother and sister-in-law at a local pub. They had friends with them which was not expected. I knew their one friend who has been in their lives for years. The other is her boyfriend – a newbie to their lives. We met at a pub that is actually based where they live – this is just an extension. And it is good. We talked, we drank, and I wondered throughout what they wanted.
Turned out, nothing They even paid for my drinks.
Free drinks while the rest of my city was rioting a few blocks away. Talk about juxtaposition.
In the midst of our conversation, my brother asked me to be the staff photographer for a non-profit event he is on the board of in a different part of Oregon. WHAT? And WOW. I have to check, but I think I can do it.
Too bad it isn’t paid.
I am sitting here waiting for feedback on my photos last night. I sent a link out to someone I trusted – and he told me what I was feeling. That may sound weird, but it is good to hear that I’m not being too harsh – I see the reality of it all. Even if I wish I could do it differently.
I know what didn’t help me was seeing some photos taken at the place that didn’t seem bad. Seeing them made me feel like I did not do enough – that I should have done things differently. Nothing like having inaction feed the insecurity.
Hearing nothing from the event organizer? Well, it seems to feed the feeling that feeling that I should have done better. Ugh.
And in the end, I know it is me being tired and all.
But that still isn’t easy to go through.
……….but, I need…..