DJ was telling me a few weeks ago that she had a moment where she became acutely aware of exactly how old she was, and in that moment, she had another one of “OMG, I’M NOT READY!!”
I laughed at her and told her to get used to it. It seems that life is made of those moments.
Take 17 years ago today, I had given birth to her at 12:40 am – and by this point – I was having a moment of “WTF have I done??” I had a long labor, a not-so-smooth delivery, and by this point on that day, I had a screaming newborn in a wing of all screaming newborns. And I was so sore that I couldn’t stand up straight if I tried. And the fact I felt that way given my high pain tolerance? I was really uncomfortable. The next day, I begged my doctor to just let me go home.
She agreed to it, and as they wheeled me and DJ out to the car – I had that moment of:
“OMG!! HOW CAN YOU LET ME TAKE THIS CHILD HOME??? I’M NOT READY!!!”
It took a couple of weeks before I got to a point where I didn’t feel like I was about 5 years old that somehow was given a newborn.
Tonight, as DJ and I were talking – it hit me …..
I have a 17-year-old.
A year from now, she will graduate.
Then she will go to college.
And in between, she will get her license, she will work as a counselor twice (with next year getting full responsibility of a group), then she will pack up and go off to school.
I’M NOT READY!!
But I am too.
I am excited about her going.
But I don’t want her to go.
I am excited about her next step.
But I worry that I have done enough to prepare her.
The other day after listening to an NPR story about an adulting class being taught in Portland, Maine where it is full of 20-year-olds who don’t know how to balance checkbooks or fold sheets or make beds. After listening, I worried – am I doing enough? Is she ready?
Then I came home to find she made donuts – from scratch – and vegan because we were out of eggs and milk so she googled what she could use as substitutes.
Then I realized the issue – I am not ready.
Yeah, today is another one of those moments. A moment where I am realizing how much time has passed. Where I am acutely aware of what is happening and that while I feel time hasn’t moved fast, it has.
And all because she turned 17.