“Water is the symbol of unconscious energy,
the formless powers of the soul of hidden and unrecognized motivation.
Water, symbol of what is unconscious of itself, holds the contents of the soul
which the fisherman tries to bring to the surface and which should be his food.
The fish is a creature of the psyche.”
~Aeppli, Ernest, Les Reves et Leur Interpretation, Paris, 1951
I sat in front of the edit screen this morning feeling like I should write a reflection on 2016. I should talk about the good and the bad – do the usual end-of-year, pseudo-philosophical look at my year. As I sat there looking at the blinking cursing which seemed to be begging me to write something, I realized my headspace wasn’t where it needed to be.
G texted me to let me know he was having a post-rugby practice lunch with the guys and wanted me to know what I was doing today. “What are your plans for tonight?” he asked, “Because we’ll be home if you want to hang out with us.”
I finally realized where I was stuck. Last number of years, I have not been home tonight. I have been away spending time with another person I love. Trying to look back on the year, no matter what good happened, the underlying feeling was loss.
Not just loss of a partner, loss of a job too, loss of certain friends, loss of understanding where I fit in, loss.
“I can’t sit here,” I told G, “I’m going to go take photos or something.”
And I did.
I grabbed my camera and my gear bag. I got a coffee, then I drove. I felt like going out into the Gorge. I felt the need to take waterfall photos and photos of fog and snow. I felt the need to go someplace where there is so much bigger than me that hopefully I will get some perspective.
Waterfalls in Chinese art represents ying and yang. Water and mountains – persistent and ever-changing. In other cultures, waterfalls represent the movement of things from heaven to earth. They represent manifestation of things in life. They represent the power of a lot of little drops of water, coming together, to make a big mark.
And I guess that summarizes my year. Constant change with some things beyond my control to change. I manifested some things – like selling my art – which was great. I did some neat stuff at the gallery. But some things happened that were like the waterfall knocking a huge boulder loose and causing some destruction. Some things I am happy about – others I am not.
It’s the nature of change, I guess.
I will keep hoping that I manifest more good than bad in 2017.