Today I was going stir crazy. The weather sucked. The family was staying in. And I felt compelled, based on the forecasts I was hearing, to stay inside too.
And I was going stir crazy.
There were many reasons for it. But really, I felt like I was the one with the plan – the one with the to-do list. And everyone else in the house was just in relaxation mode. I wanted to be in that mode too – but, well, I just couldn’t get there.
I did the things on my list – my to-do list. I was happy to get them done – but found myself ready to do more – ready to recharge in a way that being stuck in the house did not allow. Sigh.
I made soup.
I made bread.
I tried to keep busy in a way that kept my mind off the fact I was going nutty.
Yeah – I failed.
Add into it the fact that last night my brother questioned if I was really trying hard to find a job. Then my mom did that to me today. Fuck them both. I mean, I’m not a newbie in the profession or even middle management. It is not like I only have a few years experience. I have 20+ years experience. With that comes a lot of assumptions and baggage.
Tomorrow will be better.
At least that’s what I keep telling myself.
Tomorrow the weather shouldn’t be such an issue.
I have things done at home which should allow me to go do other things.
And I vow not to call or check-in with my family for at least a week. I need the fucking break.
I need time to get out of my head.
I need time to stop thinking about how if things were the way they were a year ago, I’d be curled up, sipping scotch, and praying for more rain so I can settle into bed with him.