“I urge you to look at the people in your lives, even those who caused you pain and suffering, and see what gifts they’ve given you.  Those times when the world was crashing in on you and you survived; what gifts did you get from those experiences?  By examining these gifts it may give you a different perspective of the world around you.  It may even lighten your heart and free your soul. I sure did mine.”
~Allena Gabosch : Gifts (https://allenagabosch.wordpress.com/2016/09/20/gifts/)

Another day – another day when words I need find me.

I was having a discussion the last few days with a friend about processing pain – processing grief – processing loss; specifically the times when we stumble across something –  a photos, a song, a gift, a Facebook memory reminder – that seems to call up that pain monster to tackle us unexpectedly.  Then I came upon this post – these words.  A shift in looking at things – a way to instead of sparring the pain, to embrace the gifts.

What gifts am I thankful for?

Music. I love music. I love getting exposed to new-to-me stuff.  He gave that to me which I love. My exposure to Pink Floyd was pretty basic – but not there are days where it is truly a sound track.  Hearing then seeing Rammstein performances – well, I get why people enjoy them thanks to him.  And finding a couple of the local cover bands – Pigs on the Wing – and Twilight Orchestra – and Exploding Boys…..I will never write off a cover band as likely lame because all three have proved otherwise.

I have to thank him for my Game of Thrones obsession.  Never would have seen it if he had not shown it to me.  Sharing with him the movies he loves – most I have never seen just because I don’t go see movies much.  If it weren’t for Deadwood, I would not have had the mental images of how things really were in some of the mining towns in Alaska that we visited.

And I’d be amiss if I didn’t note the gift of introducing me to very good alcohol.  The vodka and coffee mornings.  The amazing whiskey tasting in Vegas.  The amazing Scotch he always had while listening to music and talking late at night.  Oh and the amazing wine finds we would share. God, I have become such and alcohol snob because of all he introduced me to.

Thanks to him, I have a different understanding and perspective on many different issues. That was another gift.

I am thankful for him giving me an understand of how a Daddy / baby dynamic can work – what it can really mean between people.  Showing me that it doesn’t mean I’m a little or have Daddy issues – that it is about nurturing and giving myself to him to take care of even in ways I didn’t know I needed.  And through all of that experience, I was given the gift of understanding what I had missing – what I need – and why I need it.  Enlightenment about these things is a pretty big gift.

I also got the gift of understanding a true energy exchange.  How energy from the right person with the right intimacy can calm, sooth, and charge me in unexpected ways.

He was also one of the very first people to say to me that I’m all female energy no matter how I’m dressed, make-up or none, or how brash I speak about things.  That may seem like a funny gift, but for someone who has been considered a tom-boy since she was young & seems to have issues shedding it because I am not one to embrace the female standards others have…..well, that’s a big fucking gift.

Yeah, I have a lot of gifts to be thankful for.