I cannot recall what it was exactly. All I know is that what I saw a flashback. Him and me and a particular time together.

My breathe caught in my throat.

It caught me by surprise.

My eyes started tearing up. And I felt like I was hit by a truck in how quickly the feelings strike me.

This was the second time in a few days that I have been caught by surprise.  The first time was when I was falling back to sleep and fell into his bed, feeling his arms around me, feeling my legs tangled in his, and feeling our breaths match each others as we fall asleep.

I woke up crying.

Today, I was not in a place where I could let myself be affected by it. I had to breath through it. I had to wish for my sunglasses. I had to try to push it aside while wishing I could grasp onto it – wishing it hadn’t disappeared..

Just a reminder that even though so much time has passed – I still fucking love him.  I still fucking feel him.

And the pain is never far enough away.