The Importance of Standards


 I remember the first time I had a cock in my ass was in college – I was maybe 19 years old, and G suggested it in the middle of some hot sex.  I had always loved anal stimulation. I discovered that at like 14 when I was masturbating like a stereotypical teenage boy.  I don’t recall what led to it, but it seemed like a good idea – and I discovered it was more of a great idea.  I came so hard that I laid there in my bed in a bit of shock at how I felt.

He suggested anal sex – and I was game.  We didn’t know a lot of the mechanics.  Lube was sparse.  The position was questionable.  He was eager; I was game.  And it happened.

Looking back, I guess I should have realized how much of a masochist I was.  I mean, it was not painless but I liked it.  I sat on the bed after it was over going, “we can do that again but next time, maybe a bit more lube.”  It was the definitely the start of something good.  We used whatever we had for lube. I think if I went though the list it would read like a list of “do not use as lube” list on an advice site.  We didn’t care. It worked for what we wanted, and that is under-representing it really. I mean, if it was mediocre or bad, I wouldn’t be writing this piece.  It would be more of a cautionary tale, right?

Many years went by before we decided to open up our marriage.  I was unsure about anal sex and how it fit in as many people had boundaries that included things like “only my husband can have my ass”.  Neither G or I felt that was a necessary boundary for us, so if I wanted it, it was free game, so to speak.

The weekend we got our swinger cherry popped, I not only had sex with someone other than my husband; I also got my ass fucked by someone other than my husband.  I had been pretty open about my love for anal sex – and a particular person definitely loved anal sex himself (giving, not receiving, to be clear).  I straddled him on the bed as his hands and mouth found my nipples, my cunt, and my ass.  Then I was bent over the chair in the room as he slid his cock into my ass.

It caught me by surprise, in a good way.  He went for it. For many, it would have been too fast – too quick – not enough time to adjust to it all. For me, it was perfect. When I needed the pause, he gave it.  Then he fucked my ass good.

Fucked my ass good.

This is a phrase that not all of those who have I have invited to fuck my ass can claim. Not all have been good.  In a few cases, I felt like a bad cartoon. I was bent over a bed, the guy was having his way with my ass, and I was almost twiddling my thumbs as it did not do a lot for me.

But those who fucked my ass good …..


…..those I think about often. Those I have written about. Those I use as measuring stick for others.

Those who have done it well have a personality that is not to be messed with.  They know what they want and want to take it from me.  They have a firm hand and a good cock.  They drive their point home and know I can take it.  They get off on the fact I can take it.  They know a good fucking will make me moan, make my cunt gush, and make me push back onto their cocks.  I am never passive in a good ass fuck.  I want more – and my body tells that story well.

Assuming the person I’m with hears it.

I have even had one woman fuck my ass well. I’ll never forget that evening when she had me in rope, she had her cock in place. And after fucking my pussy from behind, she pulled all the way out and plunged it into my ass. My reaction, my moans, my movements made her pause when she realized she had, uhm, put it in the wrong hole. I recall her reaction well.  She was amazed that I was wet enough to take her.  The fact I was grinding back on her cock turned her on in an unexpected way.  “That was so fucking hot” was her comment afterward.  She then told me she now understood why men liked that – liked being able to slide into an ass and have a responsive bottom.

The partners I have had that make me want to come back for more (lots of more) always know how much I love a good ass fucking.  It is partially about trust, but mainly about confidence and assertion. It is about someone who can read me as a bottom and respond accordingly.  The partner wants a good fuck but knows that I’m part if it -not just an ass.

And because I have had good partners in ass fucking, I have high standards in what I want – what I need.  I am lucky in that I know what is good – who is good.  The challenge is finding someone who can give it to me, as it is a skill in which someone has or they don’t. I cannot communicate it and get it.

And that – that makes it special and hard and frustrating and awesome.

All of it.

I mean, if someone is going to fuck my ass, I have a standard – and that standard is quite high.

Not any cock will do.


Note: This was inspired by a particular exchange I had recently with someone was my first anal experience (outside of G). I realized as we chatted that He was one of the few that was held up as a standard against others who have had my ass since. When we started in an open relationship, I recall reading something something about how you should never compare partners.  But let’s be real.  We know the good fucks from the bad because the good ones slip into our fantasies as we get ourselves off.  I would never tell someone they are bad to their face – but I will know which are good and bad based on who gets me off when I’m alone at night.

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