I looked at the clock as I was wound around his body and realized it was time to go.
Time to go…..
That’s the horrible party of polyamory. I feel like I’m leaving people both ways – leaving him alone – leaving him in a place of wishing I could stay- leaving.
Leaving because my kids will start texting me. Leaving because I have something to do tomorrow. Leaving.
I hate leaving.
I really fucking hate leaving.
Because SB is on my mind always.
I feel him. I feel his energy. I feel his body. I feel him.
And I miss him – the minute I leave him – I am blocks from his house, and I am missing him. I miss him.
The reality is that I miss him the minute I am away from him.
And it’s because he never has left me….I have never left him.
We are together but apart, and I miss him.
Anyone who says polyamory is easy is full of shit. Rough assessment? Fuck yes. But truthful.
I wish sometimes we were younger – without kids – without some of the attachments we have – because, it seems, we could do polyamory differently. But, it is what it is. I have teenagers and mortgage payments and all. I cannot be away without notice. Without consequence.
I hate that – I hate that because he is always on my mind – he is always with me…..and I ….I hate being away.
Love……ah…..love……sigh……the trials of polyamory in this case…..
doesn’t mean he leaves my mind….not at all…