Leaving My Mind – Not A Chance

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I looked at the clock as I was wound around his body and realized it was time to go.

Time to go…..

That’s the horrible party of polyamory. I feel like I’m leaving people both ways – leaving him alone – leaving him in a place of wishing I could stay- leaving.

Leaving because my kids will start texting me. Leaving because I have something to do tomorrow. Leaving.

I hate leaving.

I really fucking hate leaving.

Because SB is on my mind always.

I feel him. I feel his energy. I feel his body. I feel him.

And I miss him – the minute I leave him – I am blocks from his house, and I am missing him.  I miss him.

The reality is that I miss him the minute I am away from him.

And it’s because he never has left me….I have never left him.

We are together but apart, and I miss him.

Anyone who says polyamory is easy is full of shit.  Rough assessment? Fuck yes.  But truthful.

I wish sometimes we were younger – without kids – without some of the attachments we have – because, it seems, we could do polyamory differently.  But, it is what it is. I have teenagers and mortgage payments and all.  I cannot be away without notice. Without consequence.

I hate that – I hate that because he is always on my mind – he is always with me…..and I ….I hate being away.

Love……ah…..love……sigh……the trials of polyamory in this case…..

doesn’t mean he leaves my mind….not at all…

What do you think?

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