I should be sleeping but I can’t.
I’m exhausted really – after a night of little sleep and a busy day of photos and driving followed by editing photos as I made dinner for my kids and me – I’m just tired. Toss in the fact that my uterus hates me so has felt like it’s kicking me in my back. Yeah, a long tiring day.
But here I sit. Awake. Watching Purple Rain on TV. Sipping an IPA. Knowing the reason I’m not sleeping is simple.
I’m tired but I’m dropping –
dropping after spending several days this week with Daddy by the ocean where life is non-stressful, sleep is solid and wonderful, and my allergies seem to be almost non-existent.
Here I have my family – the ups and downs – the laughter and the stresses – but it’s been more stressful as many things are sitting at the precipice of happening. DJ tests for her 3rd degree black belt tomorrow. She has been stressing about that. School is stressful for her because, well, it’s almost the end of the year so all the projects are due. Indigo is trying to figure out her fundraiser she is doing for her organization. Plus she “hasn’t felt well” – has eight million things she wants to do – and not all are possible. G had rugby drama and some other drama this week that makes him look as though he’s ready to rip something apart. He played rugby all day today which was good but stressful as it was immediately followed by something else. And, on top of it, he has outdoor school this week meaning tomorrow, while DJ is testing, he is getting on a bus with 30-40 sixth graders to go into the woods all week. He is back Friday after school. But he too is stressed about the fundraiser of Indigo’s……stressed about leaving me to handle all the running around back and forth to school. Stressed about no rugby for a week.
I came back from my week at the coast to something that can simply be summarized as stress.
I thought today as I drove to the rugby match about an hour from home that something needs to change in this house – there is too much fucking stress.
And while there was laughter last night with the girls. Two girls who decided to invent a dessert that had them in the kitchen singing to music and laughing at each other as the cat tried to figure out the dogs and how to sing along. I realized that most of the time there is not enough laughter…….not enough goofy……not enough jokes about putting balls in my mouth (they made cookie truffle thingies they called the balls).
I told DJ on Thursday to remember that stress is temporary. And maybe it’s the fact they are teenagers. Maybe its the time of the school year. Maybe it is because I’m not wrapped up in my own stress from work. But damn – enough stress already.
It’s no wonder I’m feeling drop after being gone for the stress was nice. It allowed for many laughs – many moments of “wow”…..yeah, it was nice.
And I realize how the stress of those I love affects me too — I clench my jaw unconsciously until it aches – until it hurts and wakes me up and forces me to take advil and try to consciously relax it. Funny how stress manifests in the physical in unexpected ways.
Tomorrow is going to be a long day. DJ at TKD testing by 9am. Meeting parents and all at the testing site at 11am. Testing until 4pm. Maybe that’s another reason I’m not sleeping – I’m not where I want to be (in SB’s bed, wrapped around his body, his body wrapped around mine — the usual Saturday night). And I have a crazy ass day to look forward to (a crazy ass day which has caused me to stay home tonight instead of be in SB’s bed).
Too many things – so it’s an IPA and Purple Rain for me.
And hopes for sleep tomorrow……or at some point.
God I’m happy I’m not working right now. At least there is that.
I will leave you with an interesting article which contains a great video. Billy Gibbons from ZZ Top’s was interviewed the other day about his comments in the past about Prince as a guitarist. It is a great article. Also contained within is a rare video of Prince playing Honky Tonk Woman – a video Billy Gibbons recommends as it shows how Prince played guitar.
And because many other Prince things have come across my various feeds…..I’ll leave this here too: