One of the reasons I get really frustrated when people react to my unemployment with “OMG YOU MUST FIND ANOTHER JOB ASAP” is because those closest to me with this reaction are ignoring how this place of employment has affected me.
In short, I stopped taking care of me through diet and exercise – and started drinking and eating crap.
I would love to say that this is unique to me – but the joke in the office over the past 4 years has become that you must put on the company 30lbs if you are going to stay there. I would love to say this phenomenon is a joke but it really isn’t. The exceptions to this rule are the people who bike to and from work year around. I think that is about 4 people in an office of 400 hundred.
For me, this phenomenon was complicated by the fact that I was injured and still recovering from it. So I was on a break from running – break + stressful work environment = not good for Emmy.
I used to think working in high tech was a weird rat race as you chase technologies and product time to market and all of that craziness.
What’s crazier? Working on a project that should have taken a year but they wanted to do in 6 months but without a clear plan to do it or the resources. So they push people hard to the point where they realize that they aren’t going to do it in that timeframe, so they give six more weeks (not based off of any facts) – then push people harder.
I have equated this place like running a race where the distance you are running keeps changing but they aren’t changing it until you are sprinting the finish line – then they tell you they are adding another mile, but don’t worry – you can keep up that sprint. So you try – only to have them move the finish line over and over and over again. But not only the finish line – but the route to it is being changed as you run it.
It’s no wonder everyone is the office drinks…..
….probably too much.
I had mentor years ago comment that when a job is so mentally and emotionally exhausting, all you can do when you get home and stare at the tv guide channel on your tv. Next thing you know, you’ve been doing it for an hour when you should be doing better things. The body is willing – the mind is saying “fuck you, we’re done.”
Yeah – that …..for the past 4 1/2 years.
This is why I’m happy to be done with this place. I had been looking for another job but nothing we compelling me to leave. Many were being described as the same shit, different company. And, well, the fact I was feeling like that told me I need a fucking break to get my head straight.
I have spent some time Friday making my 30-day plan, if you will, to get back to where I want to be mentally and physically. I want to get in my garden. I want to start exercising again when I don’t feel like I have to trade it for sleep. I want to cook more – good food not fast food. I want to get my photo studio setup in the spare room. I have warned everyone there will now big a big home purge. I want to shoot more photos. I want to print more photos. So I’m putting together a plan to do just that – the things I love with the people I love.
It’s funny that I’m putting together such a plan. I’m project managing myself – my own personal needs. But it is time to spend time on this project – and less time on other people’s project.